Martin Devaney

My wife and I were in the crisp aisles at Tesco in Manvers, upon seeing there were none of my favourite snacks on the shelf I said to her, with a tinge of disappointment in my voice, 'look there are no discos'. At which stage I heard this voice behind me say 'Nonsense, here I am' and low and behold when I looked behind it was it was only Martin Devaney. It made my day. How we laughed at the coincidence before bidding each other farewell and going out separate ways.

I later saw him being pursued down the transpennine trail by some loon who had earlier been ranting at anyone that would listen about the lack of a bridge over the railway in Barnsley town centre.

 

It was 42 summers after the summer of love and Nisa was the venue. I'd carefully slid a dark chocolate Toblerone in between the vics vapour rub and nuts magazine in my hand basket. I rummaged through the back pocket of my Voi Jeans and realised, I couldn't afford all of my carefully curated weekly shop.

The vics vapour rub seemed to be the greatest necessity, as my nose began to dribble. It was at that moment I decided to turn to a life of crime. I decided the jar of morello cherry jam was the expense I could live without, but rather than returning it to the shelf where it once lived, I slipped it inside my Humor windbreaker.

I'd forgotten to check my surroundings prior to the dishonest move, and when I tilted my head sideways, Martin was there, giving me a look akin to Anne Robinson finding out her car has just failed it's MOT.

Slowly, he glided across the faux marble aisle, and cautiously slipped his arm across the top of my back. In a hushed tone, he whispered "I'd have robbed the Madras sauce lad, it's a quid twenty dearer". He gave my earlobe a slight lick, and then retracted.

As he turned away, he gave me a quick glance back, a quick wink, and then galloped out of the shop, with a full basket, whilst screaming "COME AT ME BITCHES!!!". This was the distraction I needed to escape through the back door, with my full basket. It was a fine issue of Nuts; Lucy Pinder gave her verdict on which flavour of crisps she likes.

 

My lad asked him if he’d pose for a picture when we saw him in the Co-op at Mapplewell but just as I took the pick he lobbed his John Thomas out of his fly and started helicoptering it.
The police were called and that’s why he won’t be at Oakwell next season.

 

Admin, you've GOT to make this thread a sticky, I just nearly pi55ed myself

 

Bloody good coordination for your lad to take a pic and whip his todger out.
To me that would be like patting my head and rubbing my tummy.

 

He’s been having drum lessons and it’s really helped his fine motor skills.

 

He’s in for the Wednesday job , he didn’t say anything directly but he was holding a pack of sausage links in the meat isle

 

Tesco?

 

He once told me some weirdo stalked him and Paul Heckingbottom up and down the trans pennine trial.

 

Farm Foods

 

30-Aug-2008
Tesco
"Ayup nip, which does tha reckon's better, Germoloids or Anusol?"

 

Could be going to Carlisle if they were Cumberland sausages.

 

I saw him buying Oli Shaw from the centre aisle at Lidl in Kilwinning.

 

I asked him if he liked TREX or home brand .
He said he’d never heard of home brand but thought Mark Bolan was pretty good back in the day!

 

Saw him in gym other day and he told me he was off. I just passed it off as sweaty armpits at the time but maybe it was cryptic.

 

A friend on mine was trying to explain entropy to me in Morrison's but I just wasn't getting it, enter Martin Devaney.

"Imagine walking into a well-organised supermarket with neatly arranged shelves, products sorted by category, and everything in its proper place. This orderly arrangement represents low entropy. Each product is precisely positioned, and there is a sense of structure and organisation.

Now, picture a scenario where customers randomly pick up items and place them anywhere they like. Some items end up in the wrong aisles, shelves become disorganised, and there is a general sense of chaos. This chaotic state represents higher entropy. The system has become more disordered, and it requires additional effort to restore order.

In this simplified example, the transition from low entropy to high entropy occurs when the system (the supermarket) goes from an organised state to a more disorganised state. Entropy tends to increase naturally over time in isolated systems, following the second law of thermodynamics. It's important to note that the supermarket example is a simplified analogy, and the concept of entropy is more accurately described through mathematical equations and statistical mechanics.

In summary, entropy in a supermarket can be understood as the measure of disorder or randomness within the system. Low entropy corresponds to an organised and structured environment, while high entropy signifies a more chaotic and disordered state."

 

So you're saying that all supermarkets will ultimately suffer heat death?

 

I saw him in B & Q at Cortonwood with Martin from Homes under the Hammer - Disco was buying a new bog seat.

 

Bumped into him in local co-op. He looked a bit irate so I asked him what the problem was. Apparently he was looking for oxo cubes but they were out of stock.

 

Surely that was Martin Cranie?