Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely buzzing to be able to start losing bets every weekend again from this weekend.Missed the feeling of being baffled as to how my 26,000/1 accumulator hasn’t romped in
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 5, 2023
    #3881
  2. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him. The manager asks, "What is it without touching it?" The blind man replies, "That's a good piece of fir." "Correct, says the manager, now try this one." "That's a bad piece of willow," says the blind man. "Correct," answers the manager.
    With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He get his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind man's face. "I'm confused, says the blind man, Can you turn it around?" The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face. The blind man says, "Oh, you're trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It's the **** house door off a tuna boat!"
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 5, 2023
    #3882
  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Phone rings,
    barnsley woman answers.
    A pervert, with heavy breathing, says,
    "I bet you have a tight **** with no hair?"
    Woman replies, "Yes I do, he's watching football - who shall I say is calling?"
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 5, 2023
    #3883
    Mr C likes this.
  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Lol
     

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    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 5, 2023
    #3884
    Farnham_Red likes this.
  5. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
    They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
    One of them suggested Wath cemetery.
    As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
    A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
    He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
    "Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”

    They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."

    Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"

    You've never seen 2 people running so fast!
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 6, 2023
    #3885
    Prince of Risborough and DSLRed like this.
  6. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    My wife, michelle, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on
    our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while michelle was out. After
    finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.
    She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the
    shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized
    that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
    About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.
    We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in
    desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts.
    michelle wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital
    emergency room.
    The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free
    her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
    michelle tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well,
    Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
    The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them......
    I just never saw one mounted and framed
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Aug 6, 2023
    #3886
  7. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-8-9_19-1-53.jpeg
     
    North Yorks Red, Aug 9, 2023
    #3887
    ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon, dearnevalleyviper, Hooky feller and 5 others like this.
  8. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Aug 9, 2023
    #3888
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  9. Redarmy87

    Redarmy87 Well-Known Member

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    What do you call an S6 entrepreneur?






































    Trotters Independent Traders.
     
    Redarmy87, Aug 10, 2023
    #3889
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  10. Orared

    Orared Well-Known Member

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    Must be showing my age or something but that one is way over my bonce. Sorry.
     
    Orared, Aug 10, 2023
    #3890
  11. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    Piggies, Swillsbro, Only Fools and Horses ref
     
    North Yorks Red, Aug 10, 2023
    #3891
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  12. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    491A4A75-B4B8-49F8-BA33-70D41C5D34C4.jpeg
     
    Mr C, Aug 10, 2023
    #3892
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  13. Redarmy87

    Redarmy87 Well-Known Member

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    S6 = Pigs: 'Trotters'
    Entrepreneurs: 'Independent Traders'
     
    Redarmy87, Aug 10, 2023
    #3893
    North Yorks Red likes this.
  14. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    dreamboy3000, Aug 10, 2023
    #3894
  15. Orared

    Orared Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for explaining. It’s about as funny as a nail up in my boot. Lol
    Seriously thanks
     
    Orared, Aug 10, 2023
    #3895
    ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon, Mr C, tosh and 1 other person like this.
  16. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-8-10_22-55-21.jpeg
     
    North Yorks Red, Aug 10, 2023
    #3896
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  17. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    AKA . TITS.
     
    Hooky feller, Aug 10, 2023
    #3897
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  18. Redarmy87

    Redarmy87 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for the feedback :)
     
    Redarmy87, Aug 11, 2023
    #3898
    Mr C likes this.
  19. exiled

    exiled Well-Known Member

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    exiled, Aug 12, 2023
    #3899
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  20. Durkar Red

    Durkar Red Well-Known Member

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    What’s the sexuality where you are attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you ?

    Bi- yourself
     
    Durkar Red, Aug 12, 2023
    #3900
    Simon De Montforte, Hooky feller, tosh and 1 other person like this.
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