Made me laugh

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.
The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

 

I’m wondering if this illness I’ve had is the new flu strain that’s come from pigs?

I’ve had now for about a weeeeeeeeeeeek!!

 

Serves you right. Warning to everyone else, steer clear of Hillsborough, it's widespread. (Oinks).

 

https://www.skysports.com/watch/vid...ycombe-keeper-red-faced-after-comical-blunder

 

A very rich man gave birth to a son. On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room with the pink ping pong ball. The ball was never seen again.

The next year, on the son's seventeenth birthday, the man asked him what he wanted, and said that, since he was starting college early, he could have anything he wanted. The son only asked for a crate of pink ping pong balls. His father was confused, but he got a crate. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room with the crate pink ping pong balls. neither the crate nor the balls were ever seen again.

The next year, on the son's eighteenth birthday, the man asked him what he wanted, and said that, since eighteen is a big milestone, he could have anything he wanted. The son asked for a truck full of pink ping pong balls. The father couldn't hold it any longer. he asked "what do you want with these pink ping pong balls?" The son only asked that he trust him a little longer. the father valued his sons privacy, so he did not pry, and bought his son a truck full of pink ping pong balls. After the sons extravagant eighteenth birthday party, he went out to the truck alone. The next morning, the pink ping pong balls were nowhere to be found.

The next year, on the son's nineteenth birthday, The man asked If the son still wanted pink ping pong balls. The son said that he would like a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls. The father had predicted as much, and was very rich, so he had their chauffeur drive the son downtown to a warehouse purchased for this express purpose. When the son got there, he asked that the chauffeur leave him there overnight. The chauffeur, not one to disagree with his superior, left him. The next morning, when the chauffeur went to retrieve the son, the entire warehouse was empty. There were no pink ping pong balls to be found.

The next year, just before his twentieth birthday, the son got in a car crash. When he was recovering in the hospital, the father went to visit him on his birthday. He asked, "Son, is there anything I can do to ease your pain? What shall I get you for your birthday?" The son only asked for a single pink ping pong ball. The father said, "You will have that, only tell me what you do with all these pink ping pong balls." The son said he would explain once he had the pink ping pong ball. The father went down to the corner store and bought a single pink ping pong ball. When he returned to the room, the son was having lunch. He sat down next his son and gave him the pink ping pong ball, "Now, please, tell me what you do with them." The son spoke, slowly and with a stutter inflicted by the car crash "I wanted all those pink ping pong balls because I..." He died midsentence.

 

Perhaps this years ‘must have toy’

 

SANTA IS A YORKSHIREMAN

Santa is a Yorkshireman
Of this I'm fairly sure
I heard him tiptoe in my room
At roughly Ten to four

"I 'ope tha's fast asleep" he said
"Or tha'll get nowt my lad"
He smelled of Hi Karate
(Must av pinched it from my dad)

Just down stairs I'd left a treat
Santa loves a beer
He loves pork pies and single malt
That was Dad's idea

When I woke next morning
I ran down stairs to see
If Santa had been kind enough
To leave gifts under t'tree

He got our mam a Nightie
And a pair of china pigs
Our dad got socks and undies
And 200 park drive cigs

My sister got a Barbie
Sat on a plastic horse
A One Direction annual
Which she loved of course

When I unwrapped my parcels
My Yorkshire heart did sing
Each gift that Santa gave me
A truly wondrous thing

A flat cap for my noggin
A vest of finest string
The ferret keepers handbook
Each gift fit for a king

So thank you Santa thank you
You surely are a tyke
But can you please remember
Next year I'd like a bike

 

Three women sat talking about the pet names they have for their husbands.
1st one says "I call mine the dentist cos he knows how to drill & Fill me!"
2nd one says "I call mine the miner cos of his long dark shaft!"
3rd one says "I call mine the postman"
Other two ask why?
She replies "Because his sack is always full,he takes ages to come,and if he cant deliver at the front,he`ll gladly go round the back & try!"

 

I broke down in Hillsboro this morningBig thanks to the Wednesday fan who gave me a push

 

Margaret Thatcher's legacy not celebrated in Wales - Drakeford

 

my nickname's Drambuie!

 

Fancy that!

 

GREAT NEWS.
Bing Crosby , Don Partridge, Mary Hopkins , and Lee Hazelwood, have asked me to join their group to sing carols this year, this is very exclusive, just Bing Don Mary Lee and I.

 

Just to let everyone know. After much soul-searching I have decided not to send Christmas cards this year.
Including postage, I normally spend around £150 on cards each year and generally the cards just end up in the bin and subsequently in landfill. This is obviously a dreadful waste.
To counter this waste I have decided to take the £150 to Aldi and swap it for Whisky and beer, massively reducing my ability to give a **** what anyone else thinks
I am sure you'll support me in this utterly selfish act.
Merry Christmas

 

Tampax are changing their string to tinsel, but only for the Christmas period ...