Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Ton

    Tonjytyke Well-Known Member

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    They're also introducing yellow tampons for use during sunny periods!
     
    Tonjytyke, Dec 11, 2023
    #4161
  2. Orared

    Orared Well-Known Member

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    What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?




    I’ve never had a lentil on me
     
    Orared, Dec 11, 2023
    #4162
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  3. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    • What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!
     
    Hooky feller, Dec 11, 2023
    #4163
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  4. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    • I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you lot didn't like it.
     
    Hooky feller, Dec 11, 2023
    #4164
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  5. Deafening Silence

    Deafening Silence Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-12-11_22-24-23.png
     
    Deafening Silence, Dec 11, 2023
    #4165
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  6. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-12-12_18-50-53.jpeg
     
    Tarntyke, Dec 12, 2023
    #4166
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  7. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    He laid her on the table, so white & clean and bare.
    His forehead wet with beads of sweat, he rubbed her here and there.
    He touched her neck and then her breast and then drooling felt her thigh...
    The slit was wet and all was set, he gave a joyous cry!
    The hole was wide, he looked inside, all was dark and murky.
    He rubbed his hands then stretched his arms....
    And stuffed that 29LB turkey!!!!!!
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 13, 2023
    #4167
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  8. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    My wife asked me last night if we could put the heating on.
    I naturally told her of course she can but it will be part of her Christmas present.
    Am I being too generous?
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 13, 2023
    #4168
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  9. Deafening Silence

    Deafening Silence Well-Known Member

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    Looks familiar
     
    Deafening Silence, Dec 13, 2023
    #4169
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  10. winged avenger

    winged avenger Well-Known Member

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    A Scouser said to his mate, i`ve just got 2 bikes & a trampoline for the kids for Christmas off the internet.Which site did you get them off said his mate ?.Google Earth was his reply.
     
    winged avenger, Dec 14, 2023
    #4170
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  11. CarltonRed

    CarltonRed Well-Known Member

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    A man is at work when he sees a text message from his wife saying “I’m in Casualty”. He goes back to his work and goes home that night to find an empty house. He switches on the TV and watches various shows for a few hours before he gets another text message from his wife: “I’m in Casualty”.
    He texts her back this time: “no you’re not, I’ve just watched tonight’s episode and I never saw you”.
     
    CarltonRed, Dec 14, 2023
    #4171
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  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Make sure you read to the end you will love it!!

    Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes.
    Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp salt, 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1 bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit 4 cups self raising flour and mixed spice
    Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finish of the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat. x
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 15, 2023
    #4172
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  13. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Now that's a good elf ❤️❤️❤️ IMG_2691.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 15, 2023
    #4173
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  14. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    I’d fly over Hillsborough tomorrow……. IMG_2692.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 15, 2023
    #4174
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  15. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    New drug for erectile dysfunction has been patented for use on the NHS. Mycoxaflopin

    N.B. I dont normally do rude jokes........
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Dec 16, 2023
    #4175
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  16. Deafening Silence

    Deafening Silence Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-12-16_22-11-30.png
     
    Deafening Silence, Dec 16, 2023
    #4176
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  17. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Dec 17, 2023
    #4177
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  18. Deafening Silence

    Deafening Silence Well-Known Member

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    Indeed
     
    Deafening Silence, Dec 18, 2023
    #4178
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  19. ade

    ade Well-Known Member

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    ade, Dec 18, 2023
    #4179
  20. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    On the twelve days of Christmas Yorkshire gave to meeeeee:
    12 White Roses
    11 Homing Pigeons
    10 Bread cakes
    9 Bradford Curries
    8 Pints a beer
    7 Pork pies
    6 lumps a coal
    5 Stooooooolen Rings
    4 Racing Whippets
    3 Flat caps
    2 Yorkshire puds
    And a nice mug of Yorkshire Teeeeeeeeeeea..........
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 18, 2023
    #4180
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