Made me laugh

that's cos you couldn't afford pegs Sam!!!!!!

 

My 10 yr old boy asked me 'Dad, can you explain the solar eclipse to me?' I said, 'No sun.'

 

Solar eclipse Looking Amazing…

 

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Lucy said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Betty giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft." Lorraine quietly sipped her until Betty finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Lorraine frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" asked Lucy. "Because, he always delivers late and half the time it's in the wrong box."

 

Kippa,s post match analysis…. We were unlucky today. Just need to work on our passing, shooting, movement off the ball, positioning, crossing, decision-making, set pieces, man-marking, dribbling, fitness, ball control, tackling, counter-attacking, overlapping, running, blocking & scoring goals…..and setting up a wall

 

Snowflakes down south

 

Vegan sausages anybody.

 

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato, Father
Potato, and their three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest
daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to
make."

"And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her
eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but
sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!" The other daughters squealed with
surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married!... That's wonderful! And who
are you marrying, Eldest daughter?" "I'm marrying a Jersey Royal!" "A Jersey
Royal!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Jersey Royal is a fine
tater, a fine tater indeed!"

As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke
up. "Mother, I too, have an announcement." "And what might that be?" asked
Mother Potato, "I, too, am getting married!" said the daughter "And who are
you marrying, Middle Daughter?" "I'm marrying a King Edward," beamed the
middle daughter. "A King Edward!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, a King
Edward is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the
future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother
Potato?...Umm, I, too, have an announcement to make." "Yes?" said Mother
Potato with great anticipation. "Well," began the youngest Potato daughter
with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this
doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?"..said Mother Potato with sincere excitement..." All of my lovely
daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you
marrying, youngest Daughter?" "I'm marrying Linekar!" "
Linekar?!"..Mother Potato scowls...

"But he's just a common tater!"

 

Q: What does Super Mario's brother use, to get in touch with the dead ?.
A: A Luigi board.

You see his name is Luigi, and it sounds like Ouiji.

 

I love the explaining as much as the joke!

 

I just din't think anybody would get it Tony.

 

Most people know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their fantastic song Sunshine On Leith is sung at games. But something a lot of you do not realise is that many years ago, brothers Craig and Charlie both worked as groundsmen for the club.

They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.

The brothers blamed this on DIY store B&Q. They went to Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower..........

 

Never explain a joke. Leave em pondering.

 

The average size penis.

Iceland 11"
Italy 9"
USA 7"
UK 5"

That's why mums go to Iceland.

 

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out ploughing with his old mule. He tried to plough a lot.
One day, when he was out ploughing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.
Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.
When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
Following the funeral, the clergyman approached the elderly farmer and inquired why he nodded in accord with the women but consistently shook his head in disagreement with the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

 

And that's funny because no mower sounds like no more which is a lyric from the proclaimers song, letter from America.
You're welcome, bbsers.

 

Thanks.

 

Admins, please ban any poster who explains jokes...

Particularly if they didn't post the joke.