Made me laugh

Yeah, because if you still don’t get it after it’s been explained, it singles you out as being a bit thick. Erm, posted this for a friend

 

Nick Griffin calling out racism.

 

Huh! Can't help some people! LOL

 

Comes to summat when the tories and their cronies are more racist than the BNP

 

Don't fret mate cos it did need explaining. You were just being helpful

 

My first date with a lovely girl:

Date: "I'm looking for a mature man"

Me: *nervous laugh* "Yeah, maturity is so important"

Barista looking at me: "I have a coffee for Mr Fondil Mabols"

 

If Bjorn and Benny were called Steve and Dave, then ABBA would have been called Asda

 

Three Wath women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. ‘That was my pager,’ she said. ‘I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.’
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, ‘That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.’
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said… ‘Well, will you look at that…
I’m getting a fax!!!’

 

Just been for a walk on Blackpool beach and thez this bloke with just his head sticking out of the sand..
I asked, "A tha oreyt mate ?"
He said, "Mi bloody kids buried me and and i can't get out".
"I said, its oreyt pal, al go and get a spade..
He said, "Make it a big un " I'm sitting on a feckin donkey!"

 

Making a last ditch attempt to stave off relegation and strengthen their defence, seen here making their Sheffield Wednesday debuts the new free transfers hard as nails Ogdens, ‘Chopper’ Stanley and ‘Bites yer legs’ Hilda View attachment 21597 View attachment 21597 View attachment 21597

 

Apparently the Telegraph deem this newsworthy

 

It is probably true.....the field next door to us used to house 2 horses, in the last 18months it's gone up to 6. It's owned by a horse charity that look after ill-treated or dumped horses. They own many fields in the area, over 100 horses in total.

 

2 cannibals eating a comedian, one says to the other does this taste funny to you

 

I've Just ordered a chicken and an egg online.

I’ll let you know what comes first.