Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Two Inuit in a canoe off Greenland. They are felling the cold so they light a fire, unfortunately the canoe sinks.

    This proves that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
     
    Didcot Red, Apr 30, 2024
    #4361
    Stephen Dawson, fatalbert, dearnevalleyviper and 1 other person like this.
  2. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    An angry woman is shopping in her local supermarket when a random bloke hits her with a trolley. Said woman is livid and rings her mate and professional assassin, Arty, to bump the person off. Arty offers to do the deed for free seeing as its for a mate and sure enough when the perpetrator is next out shopping Arty sneaks up behind and strangles him.
    The following week the woman is out shopping again but this time someone runs over her foot with their trolley. Furious after receiving no apology the woman rings Arty who again agrees to a murder for no money. The following week Arty again strangles the perpetrator to death.
    A few weeks later in the same shop the angry woman becomes incensed when a young lass jumps in front of her at the checkout. She calls Arty who this time says he'll do the murder for a quid as its getting more risky. The angry woman agrees but after Arty successfully completes his third strangulation and murder he is apprehended by police as he tries to get away.
    The crimes attract a lot of media attention, none more so than in the local paper where the headline reads................'Arty chokes three for a pound at Tesco!'
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Apr 30, 2024
    #4362
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  3. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    upload_2024-4-30_18-55-43.jpeg
     
    North Yorks Red, Apr 30, 2024
    #4363
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  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Wife: R come tha late?
    Barnsley Bloke: This fella lost a Fifty Quid note.
    Wife: R...Wer tha helping him look for it?
    Barnsley Bloke: Nar ya silly cow... I wa stud on it.
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 2, 2024
    #4364
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  5. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Think VAR is correct ( ● ) ( ● ) IMG_2840.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 2, 2024
    #4365
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  6. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Three Wath women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. ‘That was my pager,’ she said. ‘I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.’
    A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, ‘That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.’
    The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said… ‘Well, will you look at that…
    I’m getting a fax!!!’
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 2, 2024
    #4366
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  7. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    dreamboy3000, May 2, 2024
    #4367
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  8. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    ;)
    You've posted it twice in just over a week. wasnt funny 1st time either. :);)
     
    Hooky feller, May 3, 2024
    #4368
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  9. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    The Dr’s just told me I need to stop masturbating
    When I asked him why
    He said “cos I’m trying to examine you”
     
    Bossman, May 3, 2024
    #4369
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  10. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    upload_2024-5-5_17-53-55.png
     
    North Yorks Red, May 5, 2024
    #4370
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  11. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    I've always said we need 2 big uns up front IMG_2843.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 5, 2024
    #4371
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  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations to that lot in blue… they defied all the odds doing what they’ve done!! Some said it was impossible and they’ve kept going and grinding results out all season!

    Ipswich blinking IMG_2844.jpeg town
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 5, 2024
    #4372
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  13. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
    The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that?
    I just ordered champagne, too!'
    'What a coincidence' the farmer said.
    'This is a special day for me.
    I am celebrating.'
    This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'
    'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
    As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?'
    'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
    'What a coincidence!' said the man.
    'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.'
    'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
    'I used a different ****,' he replied.
    The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'!
     
    Hooky feller, May 13, 2024
    #4373
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  14. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    upload_2024-5-14_14-0-3.png
     
    Tarntyke, May 14, 2024
    #4374
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  15. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Hooky feller, May 14, 2024
    #4375
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  16. Skinner

    Skinner Well-Known Member

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    Ye P ..ah niva liked Dick Dastardly
     
    Skinner, May 14, 2024
    #4376
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  17. tingleytyke

    tingleytyke Well-Known Member

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    IMG_2595.jpg
     
    tingleytyke, May 14, 2024
    #4377
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  18. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Hooky feller, May 14, 2024
    #4378
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  19. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Hooky feller, May 14, 2024
    #4379
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  20. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    AnybodyI’ve got a couple of tickets for Man Utd v Newcastle on Wednesday if anyone’s interested????…….They’re really good tickets…..both in the shallow end‍♂️‍♂️
     
    dearnevalleyviper, May 14, 2024
    #4380
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