Charles and Camilla in bed. Charles, "One would like a hand job." Camilla, "Hand job? I'm not familiar with that phrase Charles. What would one of those be?". Charles, "Well you see Camilla it's like using a bottle of ketchup." Camilla "Arr, I see." Camilla then reaches under the quilt and grabs Charles manhood and says, "Like this?" Whilst rigorously banging the end of it with the palm of her hand.
Sick to death of people letting off fireworks it is six weeks to bonfire night what is a matter with them it was so loud last night my cat ran up the Christmas tree!!
While attending a Marriage Weekend in Barnsley with his missus, owd Nobby listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..' 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?' Nobby leaned over, touched his wife's hand gently, and whispered, 'Self-raising, in't it love?' And thus began his life of celibacy..........
A bloke is going on a business trip to Amsterdam and asks one of his mates what the best night spots and brothels are. His mate gives him his diary telling him which places to visit after work each day. On the Monday he goes to the first brothel and as described it was sublime. The next few nights are also fantastic. He gets to Friday in the diary it is marked wax work next to the brothel name. He's so exited. Turns up at the brothel thinking "I can't wait for the wax works." Tingling with anticipation. He says to the prostitute I want the wax works please. She told him to strip off and put a blind fold on. "Mmm kinky I can't wait for this". She then asks him to put his d1 c k on the table. She gets out a lump hammer and smashes it down on his d i ck so hard the wax flew out of his ears.
I challenged Death to a pillow fight. It was a big mistake, I wasn't prepared for the Reaper cushions.
To ease congestion caused by the massive number of cars and supporters in the Hillsborough area on match days, Sheffield City Council are introducing a new traffic management scheme. Drivers will park their cars at a central point, then take a bus to the stadium. The scheme will be known as “Pork and Ride.”