Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    If you’re feeling alone this December, please remember you’re always alone,
    It just happens to be December
     
    Bossman, Dec 18, 2024 at 8:58 AM
    #4741
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  2. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    A young couple are exploring the hills round their lovely, Mexican seaside holiday village when they come across a local guy sat on a rock crying his eyes out. Being a compassionate pair they ask him what's wrong. Luckily for them he speaks English and replies.
    'Look at the village below' he says, between sobs, 'I build 20 of those houses, but when I walk through the street do they call me Pedro the housebuilder?' He shakes his head, sobs and continues. 'I build 15 of those boats you see down there in the harbour. Do they call me Pedro the boatbuilder?' He shakes his head again and sobs more loudly.
    The couple are perplexed. 'Well what's wrong then?' the woman asks.
    The Mexican guy slowly looks up and despairingly cries out ' I shag ONE sheep......!!'
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Dec 18, 2024 at 9:21 AM
    #4742
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  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    On the twelve days of Christmas Yorkshire gave to meeeeee:
    12 White Roses
    11 Homing Pigeons
    10 Bread cakes
    9 Bradford Curries
    8 Pints a beer
    7 Pork pies
    6 lumps a coal
    5 Stooooooolen Rings
    4 Racing Whippets
    3 Flat caps
    2 Yorkshire puds
    And a nice mug of Yorkshire Teeeeeeeeeeea..........
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 18, 2024 at 12:18 PM
    #4743
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  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    THE OFFSIDE RULE EXPLAINED….. Have to keep abreast of the rules IMG_3127.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 18, 2024 at 12:23 PM
    #4744
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  5. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Wife’s pressie sorted, 2x chocolate oranges and a bottle of wine. upload_2024-12-18_13-31-33.png
     

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    Tarntyke, Dec 18, 2024 at 1:32 PM
    #4745
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  6. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Dec 19, 2024 at 12:33 PM
    #4746
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  7. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    As Christmas approaches,spare a thought for that fella in red who puts a shift in once a year ..

    Merry Christmas,Josh Benson..…….its a joke just a joke
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 19, 2024 at 3:31 PM
    #4747
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  8. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Its surprising how many Wednesday fans are getting a blanket for xmas
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 19, 2024 at 3:32 PM
    #4748
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  9. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Kippas top tip…. Lads, still panicking what to get the missus for Crimbo? Fear not Heed her words from a few weeks back when she said to you calmly and seriously "Darling, you needn't buy me anything for Christmas. I've got everything I need, and you're all that I want in life"
    So do it - get nothing, as she instructed, and see her face light up Christmas morning as she realises you have (for once!) followed her instructions
    BTW - I've heard that Christmas dinner in major injury wards in hospitals is not really that bad. And you get a visit from Santa too
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 19, 2024 at 3:33 PM
    #4749
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  10. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Breaking news. Barnsley FC have just signed a new striker. Which is good because we certainly need a new Santa Forward.Happy Christmas all of you lovely people IMG_3130.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 20, 2024 at 12:56 PM
    #4750
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  11. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    KIPPAS CHRISTMAS TIP DO NOT FORGET TO GET ENOUGH FOOD FOR 27 DAYS AS THE SHOPS WILL BE CLOSED FOR 12 HOURS OVER CHRISTMAS
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 20, 2024 at 12:57 PM
    #4751
    Connor likes this.
  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Last night's 1980's Christmas Disco was a disaster .
    i had a few beers . they played the twist . i Danced the Twist .
    They played the Hokey Cokey . i danced the hokey Cokey .
    They played the Timewarp . I did the Timewarp .
    Then they played Come On Eileen and I was kicked out!!!
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 20, 2024 at 12:58 PM
    #4752
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  13. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    It's almost that time of the year to go and do the BIG SHOP.....
    Fighting over a fresh iceberg lettuce, buying 32 loaves of bread,tin of salmon, the biggest bags of peanuts you can find, a strawberry gateau that won't get eaten, some bread sticks that won't get eaten, a trifle mix and a dozen bottles of fizzy pop.....
    Gotta love the build up to Christmas Day...............ho ho ho PS if your going to Wath Tesco may God have mercy on your soul
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2024 at 2:42 PM
    #4753
    Connor likes this.
  14. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Wish they wouldn’t take my picture IMG_3142.jpeg
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2024 at 2:44 PM
    #4754
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  15. Barnsley Chopin

    Barnsley Chopin Well-Known Member

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    Wath Tesco, a new place in hell.
     
    Barnsley Chopin, Dec 22, 2024 at 2:45 PM
    #4755
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  16. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    North Yorks Red, Dec 22, 2024 at 3:47 PM
    #4756
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  17. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    North Yorks Red, Dec 23, 2024 at 9:45 AM
    #4757
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  18. scarf

    scarf Well-Known Member

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    scarf, Dec 23, 2024 at 10:45 AM
    #4758
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  19. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea.

    I discovered this last night, I had 14 pints till 2am at the battlecruiser while Our Gert was just drinking tea at home.

    You should have seen how violent she was, smashing the frying pan over my bonce when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she kept on shouting and twatting me until the early hours

    Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it.
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 23, 2024 at 3:22 PM
    #4759
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  20. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Quite a few years back when me and the missis were getting intimate, I was stripping off like you do. Then I heard an almighty scream. "What the heck is that on your knob" she screamed. "Oh that I said its a tattoo" "Why have you got WENDY tattooed on your knob you idiot". "come here love give it a little play with". "You what" she said. So I give it a little rub like you do and she cried out "What the heck, it says WELNESHNEY now. What's ******* wrong with you"
    "Nar man watch" so I give it some serious playing with and BOOM
    "There you are honey have a butchers at that"
    A large smile covered her face as she read it out
    "WELCOME TO NEWCASTLE HAVE A NICE DAY"
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 23, 2024 at 3:24 PM
    #4760
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