Made me laugh

Bloody annoying when you go round someone's house and they make you take your shoes off.
Most annoying is that 9 times out of 10 they haven't even GOT a bouncy castle.

 

Did you hear the result of the art competition?

It was a draw.

 

They say a women's work is never done.

No wonder they get paid less.

 

Eh. ?. We know he's a lovely person. And it also relates to the absurdity of the man. But didn't you raise a little chuckle at the content.
The peoples Republic of South Yorkshire.

 

For the past 20 years I’ve received a valentines card from the same secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn’t get one this year, first my granny dies and now this.

 

Chin up, theres 3 days to go.

 

Poor Joseph…

 

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I remember when me and the Wife had just started seeing each other. She walked into Asda in Wath to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar. You told me you were a stunt pilot."
I said "No I didn't. I told you I was a member of the Aerial display team!!..

 

I've just booked the same table for Valentines Day as we did last year.
Hopefully she'll pot more than two reds this time around.

 

BREAKING NEWS: Thieves have broken into the local RSPCA rescue centre and stolen all the puppies. Police have thoroughly investigated but have failed to find any leads.

 

Barnsley football club……..

 

The man who invented the throat lozenge has just died. Unsurprisingly he was buried with no coffin.

 

A lass from Barnsley walks into a pet shop and sees three parrots for sale. One for £500, the second one is £450 and the last one is £25

She asks the shop keeper;

"How come that last one is so cheap?"

Shopkeeper says "Well... I rescued it from a brothel. It spent all its life in there and i just want it off my hands now so it can go to a loving home."

The woman feels sorry for the parrot and decides to buy it. She takes it home and when she puts it in the living room the parrot looks round and says;

"Oh wow! A new brothel!"

The woman laughs

Then her two daughters walk into the room and the parrot squawks;

"Ooooooh fresh new girls!"

The mother & her daughters burst out laughing

Then her husband walks in.

The parrot looks shocked Starts to squint its eyes and says;

"Chuffing hell Kippa
Fancy seeing you here mate!"

 

I remember when me and the Wife had just started seeing each other. She walked into Asda in Wath to see me on a step ladder stacking up boxes of washing powder.
She said "You liar. You told me you were a stunt pilot."
I said "No I didn't. I told you I was a member of the Aerial display team!!..