Akrams Chemist in Wombwell got turned over last night,

All they took was the full supply of Viagra.





Police say that they are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

 

A large hole appeared on the A61 last night.

Police are looking into it.

 

An Englishman, Irishman and Scottsman walk into a pub and the bar man says

Is this some kind of joke?

 

A cheese and onion pastie walks into a bar and orders a pint.........

..."Sorry," says the landlord, "We don't serve food."

 

Where do you find a no legged dog?

Right where you left him.

 

RE: Teacher says to pupil .....

.....Why were you off school yesterday Johnny ?


Johnny : Had to see my Grandad Miss, he got burnt


Teacher : Oh I'm sorry to hear that, nothing serious I hope



Johnny : Oh Yes Miss - they don't f**ck about down the crematorium you know !!!

 

Jeremy Beadle

has a small ****.

on the other hand, its quite big.

(annual outing 2005)

 

I was going to put my camouflage trousers on today but I couldn't find em.

 

What do you do if a bird poos on your car?

Don't ask her out again

 

We'll have nun of that.

Two nuns are lost driving through a dodgy part of town. As they turn a corner and slow down, their car is suddenly surrounded by a large gang of scruffy youths who start banging on the windows with sticks and shaking the car.

The terrified nuns don't know what to do. The elder nun suggests they try to pray to the good Lord to save them from this horrible situation.

So they pray, but the Lord doesn't answer and the kids are rocking the car harder now.

The elder nun suddenly has a bright idea and says to the younger nun:

"Show them your cross and maybe they'll spare us" , so the younger nun rolls down the window and shouts:

"F*** Off you *******!"

 

Andy Ritchie is giving viagra to his defence hes trying to stiffen up the back four.

 

how many minks does it take to make a ladies glove?

about 90..... 'cos they're crap at sewing

ff