An interesting letter sent to NTL!!

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and read on.
Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman... and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to myconsiderable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of Barstewards you truly are.

You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - ******* though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of *****.

John

 

NTL customer service may have been bad but Virgin have turned ineptitude into an art form nt

 

You don't need to tell me...

We were told in November by then NTL that they couldn't provide us with a service as we're in flats - still to this day a debt recovery firm are sending letters to my housemate despite numerous phone calls to Virgin Media and indeed a letter in February apologising and acknowledging that there is no debt.

 

Surprised at that. We built a block of flats in Huddersfield and had cable installed to each of the flats.

 

Apparently it was because...

Our flat's at the back of the block and they didn't have a cable long enough to go around from the front.

 

that must be several years old by now, if true!

 

Indeed...

You know how old things come to the surface every now and again!

 

That's one way of putting it. Cutting, scathing, sarcastic - is my sort of style when complaining. The language is totally unnecessary.

 

I wouldn't touch NTL with a barge pole................Keep Away !!!

Had very bad experience with NTL
Signed a one year contract with them a few years ago for £29.99 per month for all telephone and internet charges.
Standing order set up by Capitol One
Charged me £29.99 for the first couple of months and then they decided to charge anything they wanted e.g. £89, £107 per month or what ever.
Tried to stop Capitol One from releasing the money..............no chance.........they said you have signed a one year contract with that company
So this went on for a year- NTL stealing money from my account - and there was nothing I could do

Now back to BT. And will not entertain any other provider now I have been badly burnt.

Beleive it or beleive it not - about a year or so ago (years after contract with NTL) NTL gave instructions to a debt agency to collect another £360 off me.
Sent them copies of correspondence I had with NTL and said I would very gladly go to court
Heard nowt since (furious) (furious) (furious)