And my own patronising response

These wannabee Cockneys were ever so loud
As they set off from the old Kings Road
Wrapping up with their mittens and sweaters
‘Why….? Cos it’s Barnsley my san, it’s always, bladdy cold’

So the blue and white of Chelsea
Arrived in Barnsley full of glee
Smacking of arrogance and patronisation
With their outdated views of ‘Barnsssleee’.

Mouthing off with their usual stereotypes
About cobbles, whippets and flat caps
Not forgetting the nasty black pudding
Plus Hovis and Brown breaded baps.

They thought it was going to be easy
That we would bow to their superior skill (?)
And maybe after a 3 v O victory
They would leave the ‘tarn’ boys feeling so ill.

But as everyone knows about cockneys.
Their heads fit snuggly up their arse
And when it comes to passion and heart
These qualities they find very sparse.

So they filtered confidently into Oakwell
Down the North stands ‘apples and pears’
Not knowing the horror to unfold
Seeing Barnsley bulls charge the Chelsea Bears

Now onto the game
Against their Northern hosts
And suddenly the cockneys
Were regretting their boasts..

Then the inevitable happened
When Disco crossed the ball
Up rises Man Mountain Kayode
Soaring nearly 8 foot all

His header was like a bullet
Leaving Cudicinni nowhere to be seen
‘Hey cockneys I have a question’.
‘What it like to hear the Barnsley fans scream?’

So finally a message to the Chelsea Boys
For the next time you play in these parts
Don’t be so bloody arrogant and condescending
You’ll end up – as usual – looking like stupid farts.