Barnsley Zoo (probably an old one)

A small zoo in Barnsley acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination the vet determined the problem. The gorilla was in season, and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about the problem, the zoo keeper thought of Albert Tobytyke, a local lad and part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages and doing minor maintenance work.

Albert, like many Barnsley blokes, felt he had ample ability to satisfy any female. The zoo keeper thought they might have a solution, and so Albert was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500?

Albert showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept the zoo's offer but only under four conditions

"First up" said Albert, "No kissin' on't lips". The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Secund", he said. "Tha' can't tell anybody abaht this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Thurd", Albert said, "Ah want all't bairns raised as Barnsley fans". Once again it was agreed.

"And last of all" Albert stated, "Tha's got to gi me another week to come up with the 500 quid"

 

Bet tha doin some coughing after dusting that one darn.