The Queen and Pamela Anderson die on the same day, and they both go before St.Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St. Peter must decide which of them gets in. St. Peter asks Pamela if there's some particular reason why she should go to heaven, so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect ones God ever created, and I'm sure it will please him to be able to see them every day for eternity." St. Peter thanks Pamela, and asks Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen drops her skirt and panties, takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and douches with it. St. Peter says, "OK, Elizabeth, you may go in. Have a nice day." Pamela is outraged. She screams, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own creations, she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, and she gets in and I don't?!!!" "Sorry, Pamela, but a royal flush beats a pair any day." A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper. The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed". She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked,...... "Wow that is really sad, how many is a Brazilian?" The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "The feking funeral director would be my guess?!" This guy who works at a pickle factory comes home and hands his wife 50 quid. She asked him what it was from and he told her that he won it in a bet -- the guys at the factory bet him 50 quid that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer. The wife was surprised and said she wanted to make sure he was still intact. He pulled down his pants and, indeed, it was all there, unharmed. ?But what about the pickle slicer,? asked the wife, perplexed. ?Oh, she liked it too,? answered the husband.
