Crap song alert ...

Sorry - I'm a bit rusty.

I hate quim as well - by Johnny Coachman & Adebayo Akinfenwa
(To the tune of "I know him so well" by Elaine Paige & Barbara Dickson)

Nothing is as **** as playing in League One,
Orient & Carlisle are just wrong,
So now we’re up here in the Championship,
I’d like to mention Akinfenwa’s shlong.

Looking back we could have played it differently,
Won a few more matches - who can tell?,
But it took time to take Ade's penalty,
And Johnny Coachman likes a black man’s bell.

Wasn't Ade good,
Oh so good,
Wasn't Ade fine,
Oh so fine,
Isn’t it madness - he likes black man brine,
But in the end he teaches kids his nice ball skills,
Pass completion rates,
He needs his fantasy and children,
He hates quim as well.

No one in your life is with you constantly,
Adey Akinfenwa has a job,
And one skill he can’t show the twelve year olds,
Is the length of Akinfenwa’s lob.

Looking back he could have played differently,
Nailed a few more Ladies – who can tell?,
But he was so much less annoying then,
Now at least he hates, hates quim as well.

Wasn't Ade good,
Oh so good,
Wasn't Ade fine,
Oh so fine,
Isn't it madness – he likes black man brine,
Didn't he know,
How it would go,
If he knew from the start,
Ade’s ripped his anus apart.

Wasn't Ade good,
Wasn't Ade fine,
Isn't it madness – he likes black man brine,
He’d like to be spit roasted by Fola & Adey,
Black man sandwich,
He needs his fantasy and children,
He hates quim as well.

 

Hehe...

Where's tha bin?

 

Sex change op.
I'm hoping for a bit of understanding on here.
I want to be known as Stephanie Taylor in future.
Do you want to try out my new quim? It's made from ****.

Adebayo Akinfenwa.
On a stick.

 

"Do you want to try out my new quim? It's made from ****"

Just that

 

Stephanie....

I hope it wasn't our chance meeting at Cardiff that brought you to your decision?</p>

A quim made of ****.......pfft</p>

 

Best bit is ...

... I got them to leave my ballax on.
I've now got a quim & hairy plums.

Unfortunately it looks a bit like junction 6 of the M6 down there.

 

Explains almost everything

I did say 'almost'

 

Not really, Tegger.

As much as I like you & all that - I'm saving myself for Roundsman.
I just need to get married to someone else now & he'll be straight round trying to knock my back out.

It's a good job I've got such a nice set of pins.

 

I thought that was your worst feature

Apart from your hair but i would presume that was sorted as part of the OP?

 

Ey thee.

Can I come on your Girls nights out?
I need to get a big bloke with bad eyes who can't tell I've got knackers.
Tell Crystal to let Kev out ... Kinell - I might get shot for that.

 

I hear what you're saying ...

... but I think you'll find that it's easy to book your shoes into the cloakroom.

I've had a Dolly Parton wig fitted.
And my baps are made from chicken breasts.

I basically look like Cazi.

Kinell fire.
She's going to hang me like a dog.

 

Yer allus welcome

out wi the lasses... ultimate entertainment.

BTW I shall hold you to that and make thi wear a frock... red shirtwaister for choice

ff

 

RE: I hear what you're saying ...

How dare you condone dog hanging, people like you make me murder groups of rowdy children.

 

These kids ...

... do you molest them first?

I've always said if you're going to do a job - then do it properly.
What's the point in murdering children if you don't gang rape them first?
Mass murderers these days - they don't know they're born.

I'm being deadly serious (nice pun, eh).

 

Anybody? Ok then...

Still Gaz.

 

RE: These kids ...

Naive..... tres naive. Of course I'm going to rape them...repeatedly...during their long days of kidnap and torture. What do you think I am, an amateur? But at least I treat my dogs well. Its best to keep the dogs in trim anyway, young boys all like a bit of dog.

 

Maybe we should get together Rosco....

My murdering techniques involve rape and beheading.</p>

I do seminars</p>

 

You two are rubbish.

I take young children, make DVD's of them, molest them, kill them, revive them, torture them, make them watch "Pearl Harbour" a dozen times, strangle them & finally cook them on a George Foreman 'Lean Mean Kid Grilling machine' before eating them with some heinz baked beans and a nice bottle of Shweppes Indian tonic water.

I then puke them up & burn them.
On a stick.
Sideways.
In a soup.
Au gratin.

In a birds nest.

 

RE: You two are rubbish.

Yeah, I used to do that when it was fashionable too. Then I stopped, then it stopped being fashionable.

I'm now trained as a Social Worker, I find I get much better results.

 

That's nowt.

I was a GP in Tod for 20 years.
My technique was talk of the town ... they said my prescriptions were deadly & my injections were lethal.
I had a beard & have been dead for several years.

This sounds like "Going for Gold" with Henry Kelly.