Dirk Hartog

Next time you say to someone, "Would you like your lenses coating?" you're going to have the irresistible urge to follow it up with, ".....you Bookworm Bitch."

 

Summat that may interest you

Innocent Smoothies currently half price in ASDA.

Yay

 

I do that already.

Err is this anyone specific ? Have I missed summat ?

 

No. Just be careful you actually say it.

 

RE: No. Just be careful you actually say it.

Next up is a 21 year old lass that works in the Estate Agents next door. Let's see what happens readers................

 

Ta. Last time I was in Asda I fell asleep at the check out.

 

On edge of seat waiting .........

What were her jugs like ?

 

Watch out for the

Revolving door/chavtastic mingoid combination. You could be stuck in there for hours.

 

Smart

Looked firm & well formed, no sag, plenty of fight in them. Approval given.

Looked shocked at the 'bitch' comment, but hit her with my sex ray and she was fine.

 

The next one.

Instead of saying "Coffee?" you're going to say, "Cream pie?"

 

Cream

Pie......

Got it.

 

I'm interviewing at 4

She's French, 28, prior to moving here worked for L'Oreal in Paris, hobbies include swimming, going to the gym and sucking off potential employers to gain favour at interview

 

RE: I'm interviewing at 4

did it take you long to shortlist her?

 

RE: I'm interviewing at 4

And is a spitting image of Gerard Depardieu.

 

RE: I'm interviewing at 4

he wouldn't be interviewing her if the word 'spitting' appeared on the CV.

 

And this aft........

...you're going to try to say, "You can wear these on the tip of your nose in a coquettish sort of way" but it's going to come out, "****-endish."

 

RE: I'm interviewing at 4

Ah tres bon Monsieur Scarthy. Zat is un messy pantalon.

 

And my 12.30 lady

Is 47, on benefits, wears comfy joggers and smells of stale piss.

Rough/smooth and all that.

 

Sorry mate

I've got to cancel

 

RE: And my 12.30 lady

I fit four of those five categories - it's not me is it?