FAO: The Shampoo & Set

Bit of a problem guys. We're going to have to change our holiday plans to the Terror Training Camp next month. Apparently it's now illegal to go and get trained on how to execute acts of terror against a nation.

Bloody Government.

I'm gutted, thought it would be a bit of a laugh and an opportunity for the set to bond properly.

Any other ideas are welcome.

 

Perhaps you could organise a trip to the Longstanton spice museum.

 

Just called them and apparently they're fully booked until April 07, plus they weren't willing to let us kip on the floor.

 

why not check out what everyone's up to??

www.talibanreunited.com

 

Well, what about training for random killing sprees without any political motives. You know me, I'm up for any kind of slaughter, I could even put on my Powerpoint presentation on how to leave tantalising clues, calling cards or signature wounds. it just seems to be such a lost opportunity, especially after I spent so long cleaning and sharpening.

 

Have you been out and bought the weapons already?

May I suggest a rope, revolver, Candlestick, dagger, a spanner,and some Lead piping?

If you have bought them I reckon you might have been ripped off.</p>



You can buy them in bulk for a one off payment here........</p>

http://www.themurdermysterystore.co.uk/search.asp?fSearch=cluedo</p>

 

RE: Have you been out and bought the weapons already?

I didn't go out and but any new knives if thats what you meant, just intended to re-use my old set of machettes, stilletos and daggers. I'm a traditionalist at heart and I'd like to see my weapons handed down to my kids just like they were given to me...eventually...once the police had finished doing their DNA tests on them.

 

When I murdered that old bloke......

for his blue startos and murray mints a few years ago I dug a hole in my garden and hid the knives there.</p>

They'll never find them.</p>

Next time i would suggest doing something similar. Alternatively I find hiding them under mattresses or floorboards quite good as well.</p>

Another method is to try and hide them in the dead body itself, like the chest cavaty for example.</p>

 

RE: When I murdered that old bloke......

I love murdering old folk for little things like murray mints, the old bill and press always comes up with the usual 'murdered for no apparent reason', but they just don't get it.

As for knives in body cavities, this is one of the things I touch upon in my presentation, it used to be a favourite before the war but has since dropped off, I think its time for a revival and I'm glad to hear that you are a practitioner.

 

Well, I'm excited

Potentially we have 2 guest speakers with Rosco and Terry, so I think we are gaining the momentum we need for a memorable weekend.

I think we should book an old out of the way guest house and do an actual murder mystery with the landlord and his family.

Bagsy the inspector.

 

I'm up for that but.......

The lighting needs to be good. I like the silhouette version not the balaclava if thats possible.</p>

I want our 'guests' to be **** scared by my shifty eyes but obviously that can't be seen by the home viewers.</p>

Would it be possible to do a Jerry Adams on me and have my voice dubbed by an Irish actor?</p>

 

RE: Well, I'm excited

Little tip for you, when booking, don't let on that we will actually be murdering them.

 

RE: I'm up for that but.......

If you grow yourself a beard and borrow some specs from Dirk, I'll sort out the Irish voiceover actor and we can kill him when he asks for his cheque.

 

RE: Well, I'm excited

Blimey you are good, I nearly fell at the first hurdle.

Also, I can stress the importance of this:

No murdering people with name badges on, they're not legitimate targets unless it's with a sniper rifle from a tree or tower or something.

 

Can I make a suggestion for the voiceover man ?

Eamon Holmes

He'd also act as a pretty stern test for body disposal - the little fat Irish fecker

 

RE: Can I make a suggestion for the voiceover man ?

Oooh, can we, can we. I have just the tool for removing blubber and have been wanting to try it for ages.

 

We could feed him to some OAP's at a random Birthday party

we could gatecrash on the way home. Old people like a bit of Eamon.....grr</p>

The problem arises though with the fact that Eamon weighs in at a hefty cow weight and 30 old gits would struggle to eat that much at one sitting.</p>

Maybe we should feed him up like the Gluttony victim in Se7en. He's almost already there meaning we a)wouldn't have to feed him for long and b) it wouldn't cost as much.</p>

Nothing wrong with a bit of prudence.</p>

 

thus avoiding the spiralling costs

that can so often be associated with the pre-slaughter feeding of overweight Irish feckers

 

RE: thus avoiding the spiralling costs

Guys I hope you don't mind, but I'm hoping to pick up a swedish blonde hitchhiker on the way and keep her hostage for the weekend. I want to see if that Stockholm Syndrome theory is any good.

If it all works out, she'll be in love with me by Sunday.

 

RE: thus avoiding the spiralling costs

Then can we hack her to bits.