Friday Freak-out (part 3) - Black armbands....

Or more accurately grotty black fcking gaffa tape wrapped around the sleeve of a fcking football shirt by the fcking kit man 5 minutes before the players take to the field. You really shouldn’t go to sooooo much trouble! I am overwhelmed with emotion at the respectful, moving, selfless, glossy, sticky, plastic crappy fcking gesture.

Really, is it too much bother for a football club of the stature of Liverpool to invest in some decent black commemorative armbands? After all, they strap ‘em on every fcking April and have done now the last 23 fcking years* Imagine how much gaffa tape they’ve got through in that time? About 9 or 10 rolls, I worked it out! Knock off n'all probably, cheap b@stards. The horrid stuff can’t be doing the shirts much good either, I bet it’s a bugger to get off! And why is black gaffa tape in such plentiful supply in a bloody football dressing room? I’m sure the days are gone when they used it to mend broken bones and patch up the walking dead in the time of one substitute (yes Hemsworth that’s right one substitute, listen & learn! Liverpool’s was a unlikely looking footballer by todays sexy standards – the freckle-face ginner called David Fairclough who would come on and score every week but they still wouldn’t let him start a game. I think he wasn’t allowed to play in the sun for too long or something, but I digress….) No! There is only one reason clubs have a roll of black gaffa hanging around – in case somebody fcking dies!!

I’m sure Stevie Gerrard would be well annoyed if he go his captains armband on a Saturday afternoon and it turned out to be a length of fcking masking tape with the word ‘CAPTAIN’ scrawled on in fcking marker pen and mostly likely spelt wrong! Gary Neville would freak and have everybody out on strike over such disrespectful cheap ****! The fans give up flowers, football shirts, teddy bears – all sorts of personal crap in their moving tributes to their deceased players fans etc and a Patrice Muamba custom vest was almost compulsory attire a coupla weeks back. Even centre halfs had em on just in case they scored! (Aye Gary Cahill, I’m looking at thee, yer spontaneous tw@t!)

Can’t anyone at the club be arsed to order some armbands in or send an intern, sorry a youth team player, down to the local haberdashery with a twenty pound note to buy a yard of black velvet (nice) some elastic and a needle and thread? I’m sure one of the older ladies on staff can remember how to sew a bit, if that’s not stereo-typing the old dears too much? (I heard a lovely story about the great Norman Rimmington being a dab hand at make do and mend kit repair! Nicky Eaden told me that.) Or maybe this little job can be tendered out? To the Wags perhaps? Given the size of squads carried by clubs nowadays odds are one of their lazy bints will have a GCSE in Home Economics? Easy on the sequins there, Colleen!

All I can say is fcking hell.


* No offence intended, purely fun.

 

Tongue in cheek or not, I agree with you. If you're paying/showing respect to someone who has died, do it properly.

Besides, Liverpool have a black armband on for half of their games; they ought to have it incorporated into their kit.

 

I would for a minute presume that anyone should give a toss about what I think on a certain subject, but this is a marked improvement. Given that Everton were wearing exactly the same spec, suggests they were issued by the FA. Suarez is hiding his on the grounds that it's black.

I still think velvet would have been a nice touch, but then I am a soft, southern puff. Chase me....