Friendly Matchday with Monkey : Man City Home

CelebrityMonkey · Aug 1, 2009

Monkey : Ooo some nice snap for half time then, two buns for me !

Me : Those are for my auntie not you. I have made you some little monkey sized ones for later.

R.Tiverton : Do we really have to drive 30 miles to cut an old lady's finger nails because her carers can't ? It's health and safety gone mad.

But I should have known better than to leave the buns visible. I have been concentrating on the horrible weather whilst driving to Shafton.

Monkey : It was the children !

R.Tiverton : No it wasn't.

Me : Well you two could have told me what he was doing.

Ronni Jamal : He promised us a noo bike each if we dint tell.

Me : Simon Davey has promised us 4 new players and that hasn't happened.

R.Tiverton : He is going to get them all to jump out of a big box at half time as a surprise present.

Monkey : Stop making a fuss or I will put it on the internet that you are incapable of naming a single Man City player. I promise !

Me : OK then I am not taking you in the East Stand like I promised.

So we clean the summer's muck off our seat and settle down.

Ronni Jamal : Av dey changed the rules den ? What's all them things on the pitch an dat ?

R.Tiverton : Duuuuur, they haven't kicked off yet stupid brain !

Me : OI, this is supposed to be a friendly and that includes you two.

Then the rain starts so there is only one place to go..........

.....we venture into the West Stand Upper, a first for R.Tiv and Ronni.

R.Tiverton : Crikey, just look at the cobwebs ! Doesn't anyone ever dust up here ?

And he starts trying to scare his little sister with tales about the ghosts of long dead supporters who haunt this dark and gloomy place.

Ronni Jamal : Jus typical int it. You wait ages for one good Odejayi and then you get two at once !

Ronni Jamal ( whispering ) : Dad, you know dem ghost fans, I don't think they are quite dead yet. Dere jus all sittin round us up here. I dunt like it.

R.Tiverton : And I don't like it either, I can't see anything or look at Simon Davey properly. And all your photos will be rubbish.

Just then Barnsley have two good chances in quick succession and the West Stand Upper stamping begins.

Ronni Jamal : Cool !

She leaps down to join in.

R.Tiverton : Stop it ! You'll bring the stand down, what if there are woodworms !

Half Time.

I have had enough of their whinging spoiling my enjoyment of a good match so we return to sit behind our normal seat.

Monkey : What does your banner say R.Tiv ?

R.Tiverton : I am going to show it to the rich arab people.

Ronni Jamal : Hoooooray ! It's my favit player Bog-nan-go-vitchy and who is Hume, is he noo ?

R.Tiverton : Oh for heaven's sake, don't you know anything ?

Monkey : Shush, she wasn't even born then. That's how long it's taken for him to get better.

Ronni Jamal : Eees rubbish him.

Monkey : Well you're not wrong there sweetie.

Ronni Jamal : An why's Luke Steele got noo plastic arms ? They are very good ones.

Bogdanovich rearranges his name and scores a well-deserved goal for Barnsley. R.Tiverton returns to join in the celebrations.

His smugness is short-lived as City manage to scrape an equaliser.

The final whistle goes.

Monkey : Well children we've got the whole season to look forward to now but first let's get home to those special monkey-sized buns !

Ronni Jamal : Wot appen to dat big box of noo players R.Tiv ? You daftie !