From the Rob Knowles school of Headline making!!! Genius

<table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="468" bgcolor="#ffdcb0" border="0"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" align="left" width="468"><font class="joketitle">49 Actual Newspaper Headlines</font></td></tr><tr><td width="468" height="5"></td></tr><tr><td valign="top" align="left" width="468"><font class="joke">collected by journalists...

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
9. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
10. Eye Drops off Shelf
11. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
12. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
13. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
14. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
16. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
17. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
18. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
19. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
20. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
21. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
22. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
23. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
24. War Dims Hope for Peace
25. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
26. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
27. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
28. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
29. Deer Kill 17,000
30. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
31. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
32. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
33. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
34. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
35. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
36. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
37. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
38. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
39. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
40. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
41. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
42. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
43. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
44. Air Head Fired
45. Steals Clock, Faces Time
46. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
47. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
48. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
49. Include your Children When Baking Cookies</font></td></tr></tbody></table>