Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in London,would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honourable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Liverpool lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in the Cairngorms,returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6 . A man walked into a Mac-Donalds in Dublin, put a £20 note on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash coins from the clerk and fled, leaving the £20 note on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer was...£3.55p (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems a guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a concrete block through a off-licence window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the breezeblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The breezeblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a Belfast Tesco Store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 999 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to "stand there for a positive ID". To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Brummy Evening News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Birmingham at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. ***** OUR 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER ***** 10. When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a Blackpool street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal petrol and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering humankind please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these 10 individuals is family or friend, or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
quality stuff, the best for me is the america bloke with the train, very funny indeed - only in america can you find someone that stupid. ff
brilliant ,showed me grandson them when i came in from work today , he's 16 , made him laugh ,they must be good to do that , everyone i tell him it don't even raise a smile , young one's today , hope you're ok and your lass ...(Y)
Dont know about her Steve she is up in Scarborough a 4 days rest from Me but she laft me with a Bottle of Hock and took of at 9 this morning and me next door neighbour is not well,we had both be looking forward to this week end ah,well,what can a 77 year old man do with a 88 year old woman tell you what tho lots to talk about about to morrow if BFC, do well ,i think this is the real tester forget colchester against Chelsea last week another day,another game cheers im on me second bottle the Hock unopened
(Y) ..get in their , bet you've still got plenty a go left in you ..(Y) , tell you truth i aint making no predictions on the score for tomorrow , it's been a pretty bad week for me on the result forcasting side , lost a bit but hey who cares ..(cryin)
no bet's for me tomorrow . iv'e got 2 trainees , and i think they're getting pissed off when i lose i dock they're wages , no only joking' tell you what though i am proud of them , both cocky sods though '' till i put me foot down then they know ....(battered)
ah, ah, whee have i heard that before 1940,50, 60,70 ,80 ,90,2,000,n 1 2 3 4 5 she will be back on Monday this Hock is fantastic
