Hayes returns safely to Scunny

Hayes returns safely to Scunny

Paul Hayes has touched down successfully in Scnuthorpe after his summer transfer PR disaster, along with Richard Kell.
Hayes landed at Glans-froth Park at around 1312 BST (0512 PST; 1212 GMT) after bad weather forced a change to the intended Lincolnshire landing site.

Kell broke up on re-entry because of damage he sustained when debris fell off his shin pad at the end of last season.

On arriving in Scnuthorpe, the home fans went to inspect the striker on the pitch.

"It's been two years' training for the Hayes mission and this is an awful moment for all of us to experience," said Scunny's multiple personality Manager George Laws standing next to Hayes on the pitch, "We met the promotion objectives last season but he wanted to leave & has come back in great shape."

BFC officials cheered and clapped as the team bus made a perfect journey along the M180 several hours before kick off.

The bus touched down at around 22km/h, deploying its well maintained air brakes to slow its speed after making a 196-degree turn to align itself with the club car park.

"Everywhere you looked was nothing but overturned cars, boarded up houses and tatooed 13 year old Mums" BFC's administrator Rib Noodles told reporters at a pre-match news briefing.

The mission did not always go as smoothly as had been hoped; as with every other signing, Hayes' colleague Richard Kell arrived at the Well with a smashed up leg. BFC have formed a "balsa team" to analyse and fix the problem.

BFC Manager, Anderson Richtea, also had to conduct an audacious pub crawl with Hayes & Kell to ensure the capture of their signatures.

Hayes' mission to the cack filled Stadium may be the last for some time and officials wouldn't be drawn on when the next mission would be - but possibly after Christmas when the Scnuthorpe Boys will already be relegated.

"Until we get some data back, we can't make that decision. We will play in this Division again when our team is good enough - it could be decades" said the Scunny owner Bill 'chip shop' Smith.

BFC have been extremely careful for the players return to Scunny, looking for ideal weather conditions to make the players glide into the 18 yard box as trouble-free as possible.
They have even employed a bodyguard, Chris Shuker, who is looking forward to his task and said ''I hope to look after him just as closely as I did with Danny Nardiello''.

 

Quality! (lol)

 

last minute fitness check on Hayes after he cut himself doing a spot of tiling over the weekend

ff