Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday." Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff an' that. This is gonnae be a dawdle, come ahead ya radge, a lang weekend fir me." Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said 'Don't ask what Your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?' Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher looking round picks Jeremy at the front. Teacher: "Yes, Jeremy" Jeremy (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy his inauguration speech in 1960." Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we will see you back in class on Tuesday." The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jock is even more determined. Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'" Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I know, Me Miss, me Miss!" Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front: "Yes Timothy." Timothy (in a very, very posh, English accent): "The answer is Winston Churchill, his 1941 Battle of Britain speech." Teacher: "Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and come back to class on Tuesday." The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes. He's coiled in his wee plastic chair, slavers dripping in anticipation. Teacher: "Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind'?" Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat, jumping up and down screaming "Miss, me miss, meeeeee!" Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front: "Yes Rupert." Rupert (in a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plumy English accent): "Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1969, the first moon landing." Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come back into class on Tuesday" Wee Jock loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming: "Fur ****s sake, where did all these English *******s come from?" Teacher, looking round the class: "Who said that?" Wee Jock grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Sir William Wallace, Battle of Falkirk, July 1298, See yous on fook'in Tuesday!!"
very good teacher can any one give me a sentence with the word contagious in it. little johnnny puts his hand up,"yes johnny" please miss me n mi dad were walking to school when we saw a council worker digging a hole in the path with a broken shovel and my dad said it'll take that contagious,
I'm thick, didn't get it. But as biglil would say, I appreciate the time that took to tell a crap joke and respect your comedic inabilities and your right to continue to be dull and not very funny. And up the Reds of course. If this was not previously understood I would like to clarify my point of view and until anyone offers me a viable alternative I will continue to support BFC. But that is not to say I would not consider a progressive adaptation of my support and would happily switch my allegiance to the point of greatest need - like Sheffield United in order to facilitate the greater good in our local environment to the betterment of Barnsley Fc under 12's girls 2nd eleven. That pub landlord comic is on my tv as I write this. Last Saturday's match at Watford was a comparatively good experience.
Just got back from holiday in Thailand and I came so close to having sex with a lady boy!! Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, kissed like a lady!!.....it was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed the car into the garage first time I thought to myself "hang on a minute...
