After recent months of injuries I'd be Crockio from Brazil. I wouldn't get a game but I'd keep the physios in employment.
I’d be Tan Tekei the first Polynesian professional to play in British Football. I would wear a lei Garland around my neck and either a grass skirt or one of the wrap-around skirt things with a floral print apart from when I’m playing of course. Mowana would be my favourite film and I also would be an accomplished ukulele player
Think I’ve heard of you, 25 year old forward and your current club is your 20th. Imagine looking at the team sheet and seeing Kuntz up front
Ivan Moiseev, hard drinking and slightly overweight Russian, who is blatantly loads better at chess than he is at football.
Timoteo Stupido, my wife says I can be stupid and childish at times but nothing says it better than in the Italian language