Ignore the PNE match report - read my 2 boring reports instead:

Match Report 1:
(Pre match & kick off - 30 minutes in)

Got collected in the Farmers Fadgemobile at 4:30pm.
He was on time for the first time in his life.
Called at shop ... 4 bags of crisps, sweets & pop - no top shelf action.
Picked Ali up. She was stood on the street corner like a cheap pro.
Conversation on the way to the game was as follows:
Football - 3%
Shagging - 86%
Joey Deacon - 4%
BBS - 2%
loving - 5%
Arrived at PNE's ground, Deepthroat, just before 6:30pm.
Got directed to the wrong ticket booth ... but did get to see the man with the funniest hair on the planet.
Went to 'Sumners' pub, where we met TM.
Totally amazed by how ugly our fans are, me obviously included.
After a few beers - had a wander to the ground.
Had the worst meat & potato pie I've ever had the displeasure to sample ... I think it was left over from their last home game ... it tasted like Jay smells.
Game kicks off - and we get thoroughly battered for the first 30 minutes.
ICU Tyke claimed Robbie Williams was his man of the match ... If I could have shot him after 25 minutes I would have.
Sedgewick was dancing round Robbie, who was wondering around like a punch drunk lost sheep.
Keeper - Scott made 3 great saves.
Defence - Robbie cack, Carbon looked uncomfortable, Reid was being outpaced by Nugent & Tonge was being dragged all over the pitch.
Midfield - The central midfield pairing of Wroe & Kay is possibly the worst I have ever seen. Neither could hold onto the ball - it was bouncing off their shins to the opposition ... and when the did get it in space they just lumped it forwards. McPhail & Shuker were invisible.
Strikers - Etuhu (playing centre half for a change) was making Barry look like a complete Joey. Hayes was chasing lost causes.

Match Report 2:
(30 minutes in - full time + extra time & penalties)

With 15 minutes to go in the half - our gifted Irish left footer finally decides that if he's going to tuck in & expose Robbie so much - then maybe he should get hold of the ball so PNE can't do so much damage.
We start to actually pass the ball to each other, become quite narrow & stop the PNE midfield having so much time on the ball.
All of a sudden the home team start banging it up the pitch - where Reid & Carbon win everything in the air.
We have a couple of chances ... but in all fairness should go in at half time 14-1 down.

Ignore everything that the PNE report says about the 2nd half.
As I've stated - they murdered us in the 1st half & should have been out of sight.
The team that played the last hour was not the same as the one that played the first 30 minutes.
Wroe switches to left wing, McPhail goes into the middle ... and although Preston still had the better players - we started to match them.
The geezer with the 'best left foot in our division' starts to keep the ball in the middle of the park & brings everyone into play.
Wroe sits in front of Robbie & stops the right wing raids that were looking like destroying us.
We look very comfortable - and create a few chances.
Fair enough - Preston create some too, but not like in the first half an hour ... they are restricted to long shots & headers from corners (which they won quite a few of).
Then I nearly fall off my chair as Anderson Richtea decides to actually cease the initiative & take the game to Preston.
He takes off Kay & Tonge, replacing them with Vaughan & Burns.
We switch to 3-5-2 ... which scared me - as I thought Shukes would struggle in a defensive role.
I shouldn't have worried - the poisoned dwarf nearly wore the grass away down the right flank, and although we were exposed when we lost the ball - it gave us that extra midfielder to get forward.
The freedom given to Burns meant that he was getting in the oppositions box (oo err) - which obviously paid off as he scored both our goals.
In the last hour, and in extra time, we battled and tried to keep hold of Preston's coat tails.
They did not dominate us, as the PNE report states.
We looked a decent side.
Defence did their jobs, midfield looked industrious ... and even big bad Bazzer was getting in the way a bit.
We looked knackered in extra time and were fortunate to go in front.
Yes - it wasn't a penalty - Carbon spun around as he jumped - so wasn't even facing the ball when it struck his arm ... but the one 5 minutes earlier had every chance of being given - so no complaints from me.
We drew 2-2 and I was happy, not upset with their late equaliser.
I honestly didn't care if we won - we had played some really good stuff ... and our underachieving squad finally looked like a team.
Just to top things off we take 5 tremendous penalties ... wherever Bazzer pulled that one from I do not know.

We won.
Did we deserve it?
In pure footballing terms - no ... we should have been dead & buried by half time. We looked like a team of no hopers for 30 minutes.
In terms of endeavour, resilliance ... and more pleasing than anything - tactical awareness - then yes ... we gave them a bloody good game in the second half, nevermind what their version of Rib Noodles says on their website.

Excellent game.
PNE should have won.
They didn't.
That's football.
Can we now play like that on a regular basis? Not sure.

Well done boys ... and well done Anderson Richtea - he gambled and it worked.

 

where the hell did that come from?

Could the real TFP please stand up?

 

RE: where the hell did that come from?

Another 3 pages needed don't you think ? for our friends in the West Midlands.

 

I overheard all this last night.

I was listening to the bloke in front of us who looked like Mick Miller.

I think we may have the ugliest fans in the world.

Off to buy myself a Canary yellow training top today.
Beautiful.
I too want to look like a gay Rocky Balboa.

 

RE: I overheard all this last night.

True fans must be the ugliest then...........


Was he getting chased by a cartoon cat ? And going to an old granny for 'comfort' ? The long yellow rent boy.

 

Blimey - almost as much chelp as last night

I'm still deaf on one side

 

Pfff.

'I thawt I taw a puddy tatt'.

As you know - I don't think Burns does enough for the team.
TM loves him & wants to bum him every day.

He was excellent when he came on last night.
Proper box to box midfielder.
If he can play like that regularly, which he hasn't for the last 3 seasons, then I will be his biggest fan.

There were a few lovely ladies in the PNE ticket office.

 

RE: Blimey - almost as much chelp as last night

Do you want some ear plugs?

 

Cheesy wotsits?

Why the pink stripes?

I can't believe I had sauage twice in a night!

 

Agree with every word on the match, I'd completely forgotten that Wroe played his part on the left, but he was cack in the middle and runs like a ****** chasing young boys.

 

Kinell fire.

'Look - people are sat on Peter Pervis' face'.

I'll do a 'non footy' match report later.

 

Wroe & Kay in central midfield is as good a combination as Jays Parka & Mumu.

Did you notice the PNE caravan advertising everywhere?
I, for one, will be going out to purchase a 19ft luxury 'Wayfairer' brown beauty this afternoon as a result.

Patrick Agyemang is like a psychotic female driver - who races along the bypass as 100mph, but then goes round the 'tricky' roundabouts at 4mph.
He's lightning quick, but when he then has to control or run with the ball - his brain/legs stop working.

 

I loved the old stand, a real throwback, makes our West Stand look like a thing of beauty. I especially enjoyed the broken terrace blocks and use of scaffolding to create neo sculpture, I know what emotion they were tring to evoke - Angst.

 

btw Mr Ponty - "cease the initiative"

I like that. I like that a lot. You weren't looking for the word 'seize' were you?

 

no, I don't believe he was

good report tho, TFP.

and was the handball Carbon? Well, it shows Derrick Parker doesn't know who's in our team, he said Vaughan. Mind, these Barnsley defenders all look the same, eh!?

 

RE: no, I don't believe he was

Dunt say that, you'll kick 'em off..........

 

Carbon not Vaughan

 

In future, if (when) we concede...

I think ppl should just give blame to whoever their least favourite defender is.

hang on...

 

Just blame it on Shuker

or Betsy.

 

ok then, like this you mean...

it was all Shuker's fault we lost at Scnuthorpe, cos he missed an open goal at 1-1 when we were well on top.

Christ, dead easy, I like this game.