I've not really been around for a while - summary required:

By reading this BBS alone I've come to the following conclusions:

(1) We are 79 points clear at the top of the table
(2) Our squad is made up of Brazillian internationals
(3) We have Buffon between the sticks
(4) Missing a sitter from 7 yards isn't a problem when you're in the play off positions
(5) Our Manager watched our new players in Peru, Botswana, on Mars etc personally & paid for the flights out of his own pocket
(6) Davey is fighting off calls from Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge & the Nou Camp about taking over as Manager, Groundsman & local Witch Doctor
(7) Brian Howard is worth 300 million dollars
(8) We didn't want another bad season - so we "loosened the purse strings" - even though they allegedly weren't tightened for the previous Manager
(9) We have the best strikers on the planet, who cost £1m between them & can't score
(10) The Harlem Globetrotters Soccer Team scouts are watching all our games, 'cos we're so great
(11) Asking a bunch of joeys on an internet forum what the "best" goal, tackle, hatstand etc they've ever seen at Oakwell means that you get answers from a bunch of joeys
(12) Souza is the next Beckenbauer, so those Belgian buffoons who wouldn't play him in a division that's the equivalent of the Sunday Dearne League Division 4 must be full time mentalists
(13) A "firm" is a bunch of people who go to football matches to fight with other "firms", which is like booking tickets to the Opera if you fancy going Lap Dancing
(14) Telling people who provide you a service that you are considering withdrawing your custom due to technical issues may result in some type of positive action
(15) This BBS is going a bit **** & gay

Could someone tell me if this is a true summary of events?

 

I'd say that's a pretty good summary.

 

Number 13 is by far the funniest

(13) A "firm" is a bunch of people who go to football matches to fight with other "firms", which is like booking tickets to the Opera if you fancy going Lap Dancing

 

Thanks. You can use it in your column.

The one that doesn't exist.

We should sign Allsop from Hull.
£50k & scores 9.826 billion goals per nano second.

 

Post of the day - Quality! nt

 

One more:

(16) The luckiest man in the world is the one who can leave his nagging wife in a country full of humourless losers, while returning to his hometown to be 21 again.

Kev wants to be 21 again.
21 stone.
Just 8 or 9 to lose then.

 

Are you sure those numbers are correct. That would make him very prolific nt

 

Yep.

They're 100% true in the world of Football Manager 2008, in which Mr Cooper lives.
He's still convinced that Chris Shuker is 6ft tall 'cos he's got a heading rating of 15.

Also - those numbers aren't as prolific as my masturbatory record.

Fact-ilicious.

 

Post of the Century Mate

No further comment required - except to say setting off this Sunday!

 

thats fine then. As long as you have facts to back them up

I sometimes feel that people on this board quote facts without them being checked or accurate.

Obviously this doesn't happen very often but you have to be careful with these things

 

RE: Post of the Century Mate

Let me know when you fancy a pre match pint of best bitter.
Kev won't be able to come though - if he wasn't so far under Crystal's thumb that he's almost in Australia, he still has the problem of getting his massive frame into the pub in the first place.
Instead of a walk-in-bath - they've fitted a carwash in Kev's bathroom.

It's true.

 

Don't worry.

I've got a HND in Association Football Statistics / Knitting from the Unipolytechniversity of Derby.
I also do regular straw polls with my customers who are trying to purchase my dairy products.

I wonder if Paul D could work out how many points per game we've got per pound spent in the last few years?
It would probably tell us the secret of man's red fire?

Mattis for England.

 

Chortling. nt

 

Someone's on form today!

Kev's at work - what time will you be round?

 

What time will he be round ?

All the time, the fat ****.

 

Meant TFP,

after all someone has to finish installing the car wash!

 

I know, so did I. nt

 

But compared to Kev...........

then again I'm no longer built like Xena .
:'(

 

You saw me the other week.

I'm a leaner model these days.
That self injected monkey bum AIDS did the trick nicely.

I should tell the Missus about that, actually.
I'll tell her on Monday - after the romantic weekend away.

Don't tell Crystal though.
It's hush, hush.

 

Kev's all muscle int he ?

That's what it says in the men's bogs at the Miners....