An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. </p> Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. </p> I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." </p> "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.</p> If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. </p> If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You **** her again."</p>
And another.. An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the boots the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your boots 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it" So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot" "Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them
RE: And another.. An elderly farmer decides he's had enough of milking his cows by hand so he decides to invest some money in an electronic, industrial milking machine. </p> After a couple of days his new 'state of the art' device arrives. He waits around until his wife is out for the day and decides to test the machine on himself. Once its installed he pops his pecker into the 'udder sucker' and switches the machine on.</p> After having the best orgasm of his life old boy decides he better switch the machine off and get his pants back on, it's then he realises he's stuck in the machine. After trying everything he could think to release himself he decides to call the customer service helpline. </p> "Hello," he says, "I've recently purchased a milking machine from your good selves. It works just fine, but i was wondering how you remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry sir, this is state of the art technology." Replies the salesman, "The device will release automatically once it's collected 2 gallons."</p>
Bit ruder this one...(adults only? I'm not sure..) A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, "Mother, where do babies come from? " "Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled. "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The daughter replies, "Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewellery, dear."
I'll stop soon... A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
RE: I'll stop soon... A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" </p> The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe." </p> Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken." </p> "No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."</p>
