A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant. "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: “So, Murphy, how was your day?" Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol." "Bravo Murphy lad; and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says Murphy. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in, so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'" "Tunderin' lard Jesus! Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes."
A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the checkout he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the checkout. She asked, 'What size condoms?' The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, 'One box of large condoms, checkout 5.' The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to thecheckout, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the checkout for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of medium-sized condoms, checkout 5.' A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the checkout he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.? She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 'Cleanup,checkout 5'
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner." > > > > > > > "Ralph, for the FIFTH f***in' time, CHICKEN!"
