Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, "What?" "Sex!!" he replies. Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O. K. She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood! Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?" . Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
A bloke goes to see a priest... "Father", he says, "I'm 97 years old; I have 6 children and 17 grandchildren; last night I made love to two 21 year old girls, twice"... "There, there, my son", says the priest, "When was the last time you confessed?"... "I've never confessed, Father", said the old bloke, "I'm Jewish"... "Well, what're telling me for?", says the priest... "I'm telling everyone", replies the old bloke!
