Little jimmy sitting at the bar, big thug walks in and hits him to the floor and says that's a karate chop from Korea. Later, the thug walks up to Jimmy again, hits him and says thats a judo chop from Japan . Jimmy goes out and comes back a few mins later, whacks the thug over the head and knocks him out cold and says to the bar man when the git wakes up tell him that was a crow bar from Halfords.</p> </p> </p>
And another one... A very loud, hard-faced woman walks into the school's front office with her two sullen kids in tow, yelling at them all the way through the foyer. The headmaster smiles inclusively and says: "Good morning and welcome to our school, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?" The woman stops yelling long enough to snarl: "Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 5. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Do you really think they look alike, you ********?" "Absolutely not," replied the headmaster, "I just can't believe that anyone would shag you twice!"
And another one... Two Whales overturn a ship using their blow-holes. "can we eat the crew?" asks Whale 1. "No" says the other Whale. "I do blow-jobs but i don't swallow SEAMEN".
RE: And another one... A barnsley fella walks into a jewellers shop and says "A want thi to mek a golden statue o mi Jack Russell", the jeweller says " eighteen carat", no sez the Barnsley lad, "chowin a booan".
another one whilst we are on the subject Bloke from tarn takes his cat to the vets for a snip vet says is it a tom? Bloke sez "Nah its in t' basket "
A long 'un but good 'un... The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released: New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now!" Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window." "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those." "I'm sorry sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I'm terribly sorry, sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes." Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP." "I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant. "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
<font face="Arial">A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" (N) </font></p>
Bloke from town goes to the Dr's to talk about starting a family. Dr says to him "Could you tell me if your wifes got the coil in". Bloke says "Coil in, I can't even get her to do the washing up."
