just a chuckle or 2 4 u

>>>
>>> THE FIRST AFFAIR
>>>
>>>
>>> A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>>>
>>>
>>> One day,their passions overcame them and they took off for her house,
>>>
>>>
>>> where they made passionate love all afternoon.
>>>
>>>
>>> Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around
>>>8:00.PM.
>>>
>>>
>>> As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his
>>> shoes
>>> outside
>>>
>>>
>>> and rub them through the grass and dirt.
>>>
>>>
>>> Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and
>>> drove home.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
>>> secretary
>>>
>>>
>>> and we've been having sex all afternoon.
>>>
>>>
>>> I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
>>>
>>>
>>> The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying Barsteward!
>>>
>>>
>>> You've been playing golf!"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE SECOND AFFAIR
>>>
>>>
>>> There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
>>>teenage
>>> daughters.
>>>
>>>
>>> The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always
>>> wanted.
>>>
>>>
>>> After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure
>>> enough,
>>>
>>>
>>> delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.
>>>
>>>
>>> The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He
>>> took
>>> one look
>>>
>>>
>>> and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>>>
>>>
>>> He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the
>>> father
>>> of that child.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a
>>> stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
>>>
>>>
>>> The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE THIRD AFFAIR
>>>
>>>
>>> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
>>> the
>>> front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>>>
>>>
>>> Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him
>>> with
>>> talcum powder.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. Just pretend you're
>>> a
>>> statue."
>>>
>>>
>>> "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Oh it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smith's bought
>>> one
>>> for their bedroom.
>>>
>>>
>>> I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
>>>
>>>
>>> No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to
>>> sleep.
>>>
>>>
>>> Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the
>>>kitchen
>>> and
>>>
>>>
>>> returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an
>>> idiot
>>>
>>>
>>> at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass
>>>of
>>> water."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE FOURTH AFFAIR
>>>
>>>
>>> A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and
>>> asks
>>> for a beer.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."
>>>
>>>
>>> "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. So he glances over at the menu and
>>> asks,
>>>
>>>
>>> "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a
>>> fried
>>> egg?"
>>>
>>>
>>> "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."
>>>
>>>
>>> "How much money?" inquires the man. "4 cents," the bartender
>>> replied.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
>>>place?"
>>>
>>>
>>> The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>>
>>>
>>> The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>>>
>>>
>>> The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his
>>> business."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> THE FIFTH AFFAIR
>>>
>>>
>>> Jake was dying.
>>>
>>>
>>> His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.
>>> She
>>> held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying
>>> roused
>>> him from his slumber.
>>>
>>>
>>> He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky my
>>> darling," he whispered.
>>>
>>>
>>> "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
>>>
>>>
>>> He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have
>>> something
>>> that I must confess."
>>>
>>>
>>> "There's nothing to confess", repilied the weeping Becky,
>>> "everything's
>>> all right, go to sleep."
>>>
>>>
>>> "No, no I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your
>>> best
>>> friend,
>>>
>>>
>>> her best friend and your mother!"
>>>
>>>
>>> "I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "just be quiet and let the
>
>>>poison work
>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>
>>>
>>>
>>> (Embedded image moved to file: pic07038.gif)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>
>>>
>>
>>
>



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