Next morning little Tivvy Caspar wakes early and decides to do a bit of bird watching down at Don Valley Farm before school. He is very impressed by a tiny brown bird that swoops about the sky with a purpose. The bird sings sweetly and sensibly. The only bird he has studied before stood still with its wings folded and then sang a collection of meaningless random notes. He moves closer to get a better look but the farmer has seen him.... Farmer : Oi you ! Gerrof mi land, tha's tramplin mi weeds, I'll nivver get mi European Union Weed Growing Subsidy if tha tramples em ! Tivvy Caspar : I'm sorry, I just want to look at yer bird. Farmer : It's a robin, a fine young bird too. Tivvy Caspar : If I ad a young un ad train it. Do you know how a cud find out ow ter train em ? Farmer : Now then, a reckon tha'd need t'internet fer that. Tivvy Caspar : Oh. Our broadband access has been suspended at ome cos of our Jud downloading porn all time. Farmer : Tha'll av ter go ter library then. In tarn. So off he goes into tarn in search of knowledge. Sadly government laws on 'access for all' to public places have not been fully implemented and he struggles up the steps. Tivvy Caspar : Ah want to go on t'internet. Librarian : Have you got a card ? You can't go on the internet without a card. Have your parents filled in a form ? Tivvy Caspar : No, they ant. Librarian : Well you can't go on the internet until they have ! Tivvy Caspar : Not jus fer a little bit ? Librarian : No. Look at your hands, you're all dirty ! Tivvy Caspar : AM NOT ! It's our Jud, he's dirty-un on t'internet ! Can I av a form then. Librarian : You'll have to download one from our website. After that, little Tivvy Caspar gives in and goes to 'lend' some books from a charity shop instead. Tivvy Caspar's mum : I'm off art to pub. Ere's two bob, get thissen some pop an crisps. Little Tivvy Caspar takes the 10p coin and sighs at his mother's lack of understanding of the effects of 40 years of inflation. Tivvy Caspar : Spose I cud gerra lolly wi it.
=this gets even better, "our internet is suspended cos of jub downloading porn all time", f'ing class
"You can't go on the internet until you've filled in the form" "Can I have a form?" "You'll have to download one from our website!" Quality!
I-Spy books are to be relaunched by Michelin Travel Publications in Nov 2009 with 12 new titles and a further 12 in Spring 2010. Trade journal The Bookseller announced the new launch in its October issue with an interview with Michelin Commercial Director Ian Murray. Mr Murray confirms that the initial 12 titles will include I Spy Birds, Cars, Trees, On a Car Journey and On a Train Journey.
Brilliant stuff I'm going to get "I-Spy on a Car Journey" for Mrs Burgundy Red to keep her occupied on the trips to/from France.
