Manager Speak in meetings - Due to boredom...

I need some sayings that mean **** all.</p>

Like I need to re vector that</p>

I need to do a 360 on that and re cascade later.</p>



All complete ******.......</p>



Any BBS pearls of **** that could brighten up my meetings?</p>

 

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Sorry mate I re wrote it cos I thought it didn't make sense!! nt

 

http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/sbigland/Torchtext/buzzgen.htm

 

This any good</p>


</p>&quot;We enhance stockholder value through strategic business initiatives by empowering employees working in new paradigms&quot;.

 

Cheers Dirk.....Very handy piece of kit nt

 

Someone sent me a load - I'll see if I've still got them

watch this space

 

MASSIVE!</p>

My business plan is sorted, Dirk, I want to have your babies....</p>





















<font size="1">(lightly poached, au gratin)</font></p>

 

but try this link just for starters

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Fake_20management-speak

 

Anyone fancy a pint?

 

No can't find it but I've got this instead - essential words for the work place environment

testiculating - waving your arms around and talking B*ll*cks

blamestorming - sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and exactly who was responsible

seagull manager - a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves

assmosis - the process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement, by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard

salmon day - the experience of spending the whole day swimming up stream only to get screwed and die

cube farm - an office filled with cubicles

prairie dogging - when someone yells or drops something in a cube farm and people's heads pop up above the walls to see what’s going on. Also applies to applause for a promotion because there might be cake.

crop dusting - surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, then enjoying the ensuing sounds of dismay and disgust. Usually leads to prairie dogging

stress puppy - a person who thrives on being stressed out and whining all the time

xerox subsidy - euphemism for nicking free copies from one's workplace

percussive maintenance - the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

adminisphere - the rarefied organisational layer that start just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated to the dreaded administrivia - needless paperwork and processes

ohnosecond - that miniscule moment in time when you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake and there's nothing at all you can do about it

 

I have used that in the past

Sometimes it works and others you get a bollocking. Its still in my portfolio though.</p>

Utter knackers</p>

 

Need to take a helicopter view of that ... (see the bigger picture)

Aim for the low hanging fruit first ..

We're not swimming in the same think tank ...

Give it a run up the flag pole and see if it flutters ...

Sadly, they jumped into my mind in less than 10 seconds as they are all genuine ones used at our place ... honestly ... you could f'king weep ...

 

I hear you on that one dazza!! nt

 

I heard the helicopter one today for the first time. Bust out laughing.  WHAT!!!!!</p>



Also got fed up of hearing about easy wins, joined up thinking and thinking outside the box. </p>

 

you work for a council don't ya?

 

hehe, get in line.................