Massive dilemma

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board ARCHIVE' started by Jay, Dec 8, 2005.

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  1. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    I have absolutely no money and only 9 squares of bog roll in the house (no tissues). I'm dying for a ****, but I've got a terrible cold. My nose is running like Paula radcliffe and it's just started to trickle on to my top lip. Do I have a **** (knowing that I'll have no tissues for the rest of the afternoon) or do I blow my nose?
     
    Jay, Dec 8, 2005
    #1
  2. Tyk

    Tyketical M'stroke New Member

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    Nine squares per ****?

    You wasteful b.astard.</p>
     
    Tyketical M'stroke, Dec 8, 2005
    #2
  3. Gue

    Guest Guest

    Why not use the wanking sock for the nose?
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #3
  4. Bar

    Barnsley chop New Member

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    ever heard of curtains
     
    Barnsley chop, Dec 8, 2005
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  5. Gue

    Guest Guest

    9 squares for one dump?

    Why not walk to a pub/cafe/library and **** there or eat loads of eggs.
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #5
  6. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    The nearest public building of any kind is over a mile away

    I'd never make it.
     
    Jay, Dec 8, 2005
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  7. Isl

    Isle of Wight Tyke Active Member

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    RE: The nearest public building of any kind is over a mile away

    both.

    You could wipe your arse on the carpet in bobsleigh style and if caught pretend you'd been possessed by a dog.
     
    Isle of Wight Tyke, Dec 8, 2005
    #7
  8. Gue

    Guest Guest

    **** in the garden, wipe your arse on the wet grass.

    Snot on your sleeve.

    Bog roll left over for wnaking residue.
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #8
  9. Y Goch

    Y Goch Well-Known Member

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    you know I said - I wanted to shake your hand

    Perhaps not
     
    Y Goch, Dec 8, 2005
    #9
  10. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    Update - schoolboy error

    Used a few sheets for blowing my nose then raided the wastepaper bin for extra tissues that didn't appear to be used that much. It appears I chose a tissue infused with Vicks Vapour Rub and now my arse is on mentholated fire. Smells fresh as a daisy though.
     
    Jay, Dec 8, 2005
    #10
  11. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    It took you 1 hour 13 minutes to update us. You could have walked to the library you lazy arsed monstrosity
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #11
  12. Isl

    Isle of Wight Tyke Active Member

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    plenty of soiled tissues in the waste paper basket. Near the PC I bet.
     
    Isle of Wight Tyke, Dec 8, 2005
    #12
  13. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    I was trying to put the poo on hold but I could wait no longer.
     
    Jay, Dec 8, 2005
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  14. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    Rading the waste bin. Speechless.
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #14
  15. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    Did you write that in a posh voice?
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #15
  16. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    Ears.
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #16
  17. Gue

    Guest Guest

    RE: Update - schoolboy error

    Ears.
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #17
  18. Che

    Chef Tyke Well-Known Member

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    just come back from lunch to be greeted by this post

    :pff brilliant
     
    Chef Tyke, Dec 8, 2005
    #18
  19. swindontyke

    swindontyke Member

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    Has one not got a bidet ?
     
    swindontyke, Dec 8, 2005
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  20. Gue

    Guest Guest

    Sniffle your mucus back up your nose & swallow - if you have a cold you'll not taste anything anyway.

    Save the paper for more essential uses.

    Sorted!
     
    Guest, Dec 8, 2005
    #20
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