Matchday with Monkey : Birmingham Home

Maureen : Thank you R.Tivvy for feeding Ronni. I'm glad that you have started to be kind and helpful towards your little sister. I've never known her go to sleep so easily ! Keep an eye on your dad tonight won't you. This Mr T-Bag nonsense has really gone to his head.

Having read in the paper this morning that chimps can plan ahead and collect missiles to throw at people I decide to check the contents of my bag before we leave.




Me : Right, which one of you put this in here ?

R.Tiverton : It was the deedar baby ! She was going to throw it at Mr.Davey because she wants to be in the Chron.

I am not sure whether to believe him.




We visit the club shop so R.Tiverton can spend his 10p off voucher. He spends 20 minutes studying the items in the "things for children" cabinet and finally decides on a Barnsley F.C. rubber so I only have to fork out an extra 70p but it is worth it as his little face lights up with joy.





Ugly has temporarily returned from his world trip and brought Monkey a shirt from the USA which he is dead pleased about as it goes with his Mr T-bag image. As Birmingham have a little cuddle on the pitch the monkeys do the same. Then R.Tiverton drops his precious rubber and I miss most of the first 5 minutes retrieving it as it has bounced several rows away.




R.Tiverton : We're doing alright aren't we ? You can't tell who's second top and fourth bottom.





R.Tiverton : Look, Fozzie and Andranik are on the naughty step. What do you think is in that big fat envelope that Andranik's clutching so tightly ?

Monkey : Huh, that'll be all those wages we are paying him for sitting about for two weeks. If he puts it down I'll run over and pinch it so we can redistribute it among the workers of Barnsley.

R.Tiverton : Like Robin Hood ? Yes, that sounds fair go on then.




HALF TIME



Monkey hands me a polo.

Monkey : Someone on BBS wanted to know if you suck or swallow them.

Me : Hmmm, better tell him when I'm excited I crunch and bite them till there's nothing left.

We also have a mystery visitor. Now who could that be ? Tune in tomorrow.





Me: You are a bit subdued tonight Monkey. Are you worrying about the ever looming possibility of relegation ?

Monkey : No it is because Mr.T has got 10 times as many friends as me on Spacebook and he doesn't even know where Barnsley is. And he hasn't had to sit through some of the rubbish I've had to sit through this season. Huh ! And I am Mr.T-Bag. Please address me correctly.

R.Tiverton : It's OK. He isn't up there today, I've looked.





Uncle Ugly wakes up from jetlag following his tour as Barnsley F.C.'s roving ambassador to the USA, Ireland and the Dominican Republic.

Mr.T-bag : Where are you going next Ugly?

Ugly : Leeds.

Out of sheer sympathy Mr T-bag invites Ugly ( his bitter rival ) to watch the second half with us.




R.Tiverton : That should've been a pen shouldn't it Slebitty Daddy. Oh whoops, you aren't my daddy, silly me, hahaha. Uncle Ugly why are you called Ugly ?

We enjoy the match and hope against hope that we will score as it really does seem like the two teams are well matched.




And at last it happens. Barnsley score and Mr T-bag and Ugly leap with joy. Unfortunately R.Tiverton clings onto them both and it all results in a mid-air monkey head collision. BUT who cares, we are WINNING !!!!!!!




But the joy doesn't last long sadly as the equaliser arrives 3 minutes later. Another two points float away.

Mr.T-bag : FOOLS, damn FOOLS !!






Back in the car R.Tiverton proudly shows off his new rubber.

R.Tiverton : Look it's got Toby Tyke on it ! Gosh, Uncle Ugly, you've got a sticky out tongue just like me ! Slebitty Daddy hasn't got one of those.



http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=96641120326 if anyone wants to cheer Mr T-bag up.

 

Essential reading, as always

Just wondering though how you manage to look after all these monkeys. They are getting to be a bit of a handful - do you get to see much of the match?

 

RE: Essential reading, as always

At one stage last night my agent said " Bloody hell when did el haimour come on i didn't see that happen'. Being a girl she is normally quite good at multi tasking she reckons.

 

ANyone know an antidote for sleeping pills ? She's still going zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

HELP !

 

Any chance some of these could be re-run on UK Gold?? Sandwiched in somewhere between those all time classics 'Terry and June' and 'Last of the Summer Wine'...they woud fit in perfectly.

The author/fans of thse tedious, puerile escapades must be women surely??....get back to yer ironing luv/s!

 

Must be boring for you not having a sense of humour. Don't think I've seen one of these without having a chuckle at summat.

 

Equally, it must be boring for you to believe that because you personally find something funny, if someone else doesn't, by virtue of this they 'have no sense of humour'. Your ego must be massive to believe you are the ultimate funny bone compass, when deciding if something is humorous or not.

 

Come on, Monkey! Who was the guest? nt

 

As must yours for the same reason.</p>

Why the need to comment at all? If you don't like it, ignore it.</p>

Making snide remarks knocking somebody for trying to brighten things up just seems like attention seeking to me. </p>

And now you're going to have a go at me as well.
</p>

 

Where would the world be if we took the ' I don't like it, so will ignore it' stance.

Democracy would be a bigger myth than it is now and Simon Davey would be living in a criticsim free zone.

 

That's the trouble with the world today

people lining up to shoot each other down.</p>

I was brought up with the principle that 'if yer can't say summat nice it's best to say nowt at all'.</p>

The world was a nicer place then. I wonder why?
</p>

 

RE: That's the trouble with the world today

Sorry, didn't realise it had come to throwing in tired old cliches to justify an opinion.

Maybe I need to join you good people at the Methodist Church in order to purify me of my evil thoughts.

 

RE: That's the trouble with the world today

Keep knocking lad. Yer mam must be really proud of yer.