Matchday with Monkey : Bradford Home

Monkey : Why the heck do we have to park here? Miles from civilisation! Practically in Huddersfield!
Ronni : It's a Barnsley Council innishitive dad. Mek them as wants ter do a bit ov shoppin park so far frum shops they might as well be in Meaderell.
Monkey : Did you see that fly past?
Ronni : wotworit?
Monkey : a NASA probe



Monkey : Please give Bagpipe Man some money to STFU !! It sounds like he's got bits of haggis stuck in it today.



Monkey : We've not sold him. Yet.
Me : No, not yet.
Monkey : Have we ever sold anyone in the middle of a game?
Me : Probably.

There's lots of running about and nothing conclusive happens for quite a while till....


Monkey : Woooooo Uuuuuuu Reddddds !! One nil. A good goal to celebrate your 37 years and one week as a Barnsley fan!
Me : 37 years and 2 days of misery and 5 days of joy.



Monkey : WHHHHOOOOOP TWO nil ! Are you going to cry now like it's 1997?
Me : Probably.

Half time.



Monkey : how've you managed to get a burger in the West Stand?
Ronni : a slid under gate an ran to Mackydees anbak.
Monkey : and who's your new friend?
Ronni : it's R.Tiv dad. Dunt thi recogise thi own sun? Ee joined queue fer a cuppa at Bristol match an ee were still theer so av fetched im back. Daft beggar im.
Monkey : and the helmet?
Ronni : a dunt want em dropping ciggybutts on mi ed. An that daft big twit off bbs nearly trod on mi jus now.
Monkey : yes, I can see him lurking.



Monkey : For heaven's sake! We should be winning this 30 nil. Pass me a lucky rhubarb and custard.
Me : and I'll get my flask of tea out. We always score when I've made a cuppa.
Monkey : ANOTHER Odejayi moment ! How many morw near misses are we going to have?


Me : Crikey ! How can they bring Bahre on? I've been shouting at him all afternoon.
Monkey : Yes. Poor Woodrow. You've really confused the guy.
Me : why didn't you say?
Monkey : because you still think Woodrow's called Callum Woodruff and I haven't the patience. Stupid woman.



Monkey : Bradford are very tiny aren't they? That number 10 is smaller than me. Like when we bumped into Jessica Ennis in the toilet queue in that cafe and she was minute too.
Me : Shush! If they get a chance and score we're in for a nervy ending. We beat Jessica Ennis in the race to the toilet though didn't we?
Monkey : yup.



Monkey : oh bugger! Have we sold him? Check on BBS quick.

 

Monkey : THREEEEEEEEEEEE!! at last
Me : Whooooooop ! I'm surprised you got past the sniffer dogs wearing those!
Monkey : What do you mean?
Me : flares! NOT allowed. Bad monkey.
Monkey : I'm not going to throw them at anyone if that's what you are worried about. Haute couture!

The final whistle comes.



Monkey : That was good. We should have won 300 nil.
Me : 3000 nil?
Monkey : 30000 or perhaps we should save that for Keith Hill's return. I can't wait. Is there any point in walking back to the car? We'll only have to set off the minute we get there if we want to be in time for Rochdale. I cannot wait.

 

Once we went to Bakewell the day after he'd annoyed us at Oakwell and he FOLLOWED us there too. Unbelievable torture!

 

Was it Arabian Ian???

 

No. He gave Ronni some bagpipes once. I confiscated them.