Matchday with Monkey : Coventry Home

R.Tiverton : Great 80p ! I only need another 5p then I can buy I Barnsley Football Club ruler to go with my Barnsley Football Club rubber.

Monkey : What do you need a ruler for ?

R.Tiverton : So I can draw straight graphs. Mind you, according to the club website they only sell "stationary" now and I want one that moves.

Me : I will give you the extra 5p.




R.Tiverton : I refuse to be in any silly photos about players coming from Iceland !

Monkey : Haha ! Let's hope he's defrosted in time for Tuesday !




I try to take a picture of the new banner but someone decides that everyone has to see his new shirt.




But when we get to the shop there are NO rulers. He has been saving up for months and is heart-broken. This is how football clubs treat their loyal fans. IT IS A DISGRACE !

R.Tiverton : Well I'll just have to save up another 5p then I can afford a pencil sharpener.

Me : You can get rulers at Wilkos for 10p.

R.Tiverton : But they don't have Barnsley Football Club written on them. You just don't understand.

And as his little lip begins to quiver I understand that we are never going to get to our seats unless I cough up another 5p and get him a pencil sharpener.





Hallfredson is introduced to the crowd.

Monkey is clearly disappointed.

Monkey : I was hoping for a pointy hat and some of those horn things.

Me : Well his head looks a little pointy. That could come in useful.




Then, as the home campaign is just about to start he sighs and remembers this time a year ago when he was a carefree, single, childless monkey.

I sigh even louder and remember TWO years ago when I used to get to watch a match in peace with not a monkey in sight.




The match gets underway and Coventry score. I have photographed the ball on its way into the net for the first time ever.

Monkey : Delete it !

Me : If only I had such powers Monkey !




Ronni Jamal : There jus runnin about an not doin anythin proply dad ! Rubbish ! All of em except gob-van-o-nitch.

Dad, is Adam Hammill the same as Jamil Adam but like runnin backwards ?


HALF TIME



R.Tiverton : I think some of the players need to sharpen up their acts a bit !

Ronni Jamal : Rubbish ! That's rubbisher than Iceland jokes. Shut up.


The second half kicks off and nothing has improved.

Me : Ahhhh we could so easily have ended up being Coventry fans, my dad emigrated there for a while when he was a rocket scientist.

Monkey : I think Barnsley could well do with some of those rockets up their....

Me : Where have you arranged to pick Maureen up ?

Monkey : Meadowhall

Me : Fine, that narrows it down a bit. What shall we have for tea ?

Then Kozluk gets himself sent off.

Then we get two substitutes.




R.Tiverton : Hooray ! Humey ! HUMEY !!!




Ronni Jamal : Am goin down front to av a proper look at Dog-ban-o-vitch.

R.Tiverton : You aren't going to let her wander off and bother the players are you ?

But it is too late, she has scampered off.




R.Tiverton : Look ! She's having a go at the linesman, what if she says something dreadful to Mr.Davey ?

But Ronni disappears straight into the dugout.


10 minutes later she is back.



Monkey : Well what do you think to Bogdanovic ?

Ronni Jamal : Ee's a bit scruffy an ee looks like ee needs a wash but I LUV im.


Just then Coventry score again.




R.Tiverton : It'll be all right, remember last week ! We can do it.

Ronni Jamal : Av told you lot an you dunt lissen to me. Note's changed since las season you shud lissen to me stead of bein all optimisty.

And after that little outburst no-one feels like talking.

The game ends and the long trail home via Meadowhall begins.




Monkey : Come on, let's find your mum and get home to watch King Kong. Might cheer us up a bit.

 

I wonder how much a season ticket is for a monkey these days nt

 

The more I read these match reports, the more I love R. Tiverton.
Bless him and his pencil sharpener!!

 

Dad, is Adam Hammill the same as Jamil Adam but like runnin backwards ?

ave just sprayed me white burgundy all over me keyboard.

 

We need to club together to buy him a pencil now nt

 

Quality.

Now, wave to me at Forest this season!

 

well your afternoon was interesting - I spent the afternoon trying to work our how to get some ginger cookies from the east stand lower to the west stand. In the end we ate them all - sorry, but we needed something to cheer us up and even the London Reds in their new seats behind us couldn't do that

 

RE: Thanks - I enjoyed that much more than the match itself

I think we know what you look like but you never smile at us when we look up there.

If you can manage the steps down from the Upper tier you are welcome to visit us paupers down below.

We like our seat/fence and fortunately no-one appears to have bought the ones next to us.

 

RE: I wonder how much a season ticket is for a monkey these days nt

Shhhh, don't let R.Tiverton know but we sneak in without paying.

 

Very good.

You couldn't make it up.

 

That's thee in thi avatar, isn't it? nt

 

If I knew where you sit I'd be over at half time Susie, straight across the pitch like Usain Bolt but faster. We had one apple between 4 of us ! Heck that's mean.

 

how do you eat apples with no teeth? nt

 

just about straight across from you - near the big number 3. I tried to skim some over, like with pebbles on a pond, but I kept hitting the coventry players and they were falling all over the place so I gave up

 

That Lino should be made to wear an at... his baldy head was dazzeling me all afternoon... brill CM

 

Well next time the paramedics have to run all the way across the pitch ( for nothing ) chuck the cookies on the stretcher and tell em they are for me. That would work Susie.

 

RE: That's thee in thi avatar, isn't it? nt

Aye. May Day Green fair. 1956.