Matchday with Monkey : Crystal Palace Home

Ever since coming round from the anaesthetic needed for the operation to repair his arm R.Tiverton has been busy making a banner to show his undying and inexplicable support for Barnsley Football Club. But he has momentarily nodded off and guess who comes along.........




R.Tiverton : What have you done you daft deedar ! That is MY rubber, my precious Barnsley Football Club rubber !! You aren't supposed to rub things out with it, it's for looking at.

Ronni Jamal : Dingullll ! DAVEY OUT !

R.Tiverton : It doesn't matter what YOU think about the manager you have to support the team you stupid deedar.

I take the pencil from him just as he is about to whack his little sister across the head.




In the car Monkey turns on the radio to listen to his favourite Radio 4 comedy slot he is still trying to lighten my mood after Saturday. He rolls about guffawing for ten minutes.

Monkey : HAHAHA ! This is a great spoof program. They are pretending to be a crap local radio sports program and they've got a man on pretending to be the manager of a struggling Championship team. Hahaha can you hear the silly excuses he's coming out with. Haha that's so realistic !

Me : Monkey, I don't want to spoil your fun but you have put Radio Deedar on by accident.





We rush to our seats and in no time at all I cut my finger on my camera ( bizarre ) and Palace score ( predictable ) after Fozzie falls on his bottom.

Ronni Jamal : Davey OUT !

Monkey : Groan !

Muller makes two fine saves that stop the situation getting worse.




R.Tiverton : I am sitting on the fence. I am doing this literally not metaphorically speaking as I am still 100% behind Mr.Davey.

There are times when I need a dictionary to understand what he is on about.






Slowly the reds get their act together and are rewarded with a gooooooooooooaaaal !

R.Tiverton : I see Jamal Campbell-Soup is PLAYING for us tonight.




Pontyend : WE LOVE YOU BARNSLEY WE DO.......

Neil Warnock : ******* *** ******* ******** referee !!!

Barnsley are getting back to their best as half time approaches and the referee helps get the crowd going.





Ronni Jamal : ******* *** ******* ******** referee !!!

Monkey : Ronni !! There's no need for that. Well not much need

HALF TIME

And we have a visitor........




Young Nudger : I have come to see that you monkeys are being properly cared for and are not being forcibly stuffed in pockets or shot at by Maltesers. And to advise you on how to stir up more controversy with your posts.

Monkey : It'd be a dreadful shot from Boggy or Miffy if it came near us Nudger.

R.Tiverton : Some people would say it is cruel to make us watch Barnsley F.C. but we are loyal fans Mr.Nudger.

Young Nudger : You need to ask more questions, that way you would get more people replying to your posts.

Monkey : What, like ' What is the capital of Bogata ?' and 'How many beans make five ?' I think we'll try that.

R.Tiverton : How about 'Why don't more people appreciate what a wonderful job Mr.Davey is doing ?'


Nudger waddles and flaps off back to his seat and the second half starts brightly.




It's not long before Kozzie dribbles all down the wing and suddenly it is 2 - 1

Neil Warnock : ******* *** ******* ******** !!!

Monkey : Do we have to put up with that dreadful man ?

He tries in vain to cover his innocent little daughter's ears.

Ronni Jamal : Warnock is a ******** !!!

R.Tiverton : At least she's got a good grasp of alliteration Slebitty Daddy !




But it gets worse...

Neil Warnock : Finish that ******* drink and ******* get out there and ******** ********* or I'll sue you too for loss of ******* earnings......I'll never be a ****** premiership ******* manager at this ******** rate !




Monkey may be putting on weight but see how he leaps when the third goal goes in !!!!

Monkey : Youuuuuuuuuuu Redddddddddds ! Mifffyeeeeeee !




The little battery picture starts to flash red at me. Barnsley are pressing once more.

Me : Hang on ! Don't score just yet, I'm not quite ready !!

Monkey : You didn't really say that did you ? Ha, when was the last time you actually photographed a goal !




The final whistle goes.

R.Tiverton : There, see, I told you not to worry, Mr.Davey knows what to do.





And everyone shakes hands and we all set off home. Happier. Well a bit happier but not quite fully happy.

Monkey : 'What's the square root of -36 ?' that's a good question. That'll get em going.

 

No Nudger?

Would make the day for a lot of us if you could get him in some pictures lol.

 

I think that Monkey should ask Maureen for a DNA test, i don't think Ronni Jamal is his daughter. No family resemblence whatsover R. Tivvy is the spit of his Dad.

 

In that last photo is monkey mooning at Colin

 

I can assure you............

........that waddle is just a bit of over indulgence in mashed potatoes and pickled eggs which I have been eating while the weather has been cold

..........it will burn off nar waarmer weather is here.......and my body will soon return to the 'muscles like coiled springs' appearence it was before I happen to fall into this mashed tattie, pickled eggs diet.

I have also been drinking Timothy Taylors bitter quite alot

 

you must get some strange looks at the match when taking the photos lol

 

My agent is completely oblivious to it. What is funny though is when people sit next to us, no-one has ever commented. Neither have they come back a second time ! (dancin)

 

6, and you dont know the power of the Darkside

 

Actually Jedi R.Tiv says the answer is plus or minus 6i and I'm not going to argue with him. It is all to do with imaginary numbers apparently. I assume that is what you use to count imaginary things.

 

Started training yet CM? nt

 

RE: Started training yet CM? nt

I leapt into the air three times on Tuesday night. That is enought training for one week.

Plenty of time to go, it's not till May is it ?

 

17th May

Get pounding the streets lad!!

 

I found myself in the West Stand against Birmingham as we were barred from the family stand for not being able to produce a child or small person.... I couldnt believe it when I spotted Tivvy resting on the railings..... so I thought I would play being a paperatzii and take his picture...... I couldnt bel<a href="http://www.vidiLife.com/?tc=1098080" />ieve it when reading Celbrity Monkeys report on the game when..... I noticed that my photo was in the sequence of photos....well I say my photo ....it was my BALDY HEAD.... from behind..... could I request...If you take my photo again, please air brush some hair onto my head....it was quite a shock to the system... </p>

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Free Images</p>

 

So it was you who kept flashing at us !

It's not a head it's clearly a bottom.

Sorry wrong game isn't it but someone kept flashing on Tuesday.

 

Wasnt me I was back in the family stand... on Tuesday...found a little person to drag along..