Matchday with Monkey : Doncaster Away

Me : I think you are being a little optimistic Monkey imagining people will pay even 50p to read this drivel.

Monkey : No, everyone on BBS is very honest, I will make a fortune.





After 30 minutes in M& S with my mum which in real time has felt like 3 hours we escape for some food.

Monkey : I was going to make a witty remark about hedgehog burgers but reading that I'm wondering if it's safe to go into a burglar-ridden earthquake zone !





R.Tiverton : Is it true you've never actually been to Doncaster ?

Me : Well not properly.

Monkey : Yes you have ! I read it in your diary. 1983 went to watch Blades lose 2 - 0 at Doncaster with brother, Ecky, Ev and Fatjack. I bet you enjoyed that.

Me : Yes I did actually - they didn't ! Colin Walker the former binman scored.

Ronni Jamal : So was Donny in the Premship then ?

Me : No, the Blunts were in the 3rd division.

This sets the monkeys off rolling about hysterically with laughter and brings a smile to my face for the first time in days.

Ronni Jamal : Was Colin Walker the former binman a striker like them in Leeds ?

R.Tiverton : Can you take lots of photos of this stadium for me to use in my plans for our West Stand redevelopment.

Me : You aren't going to copy this are you ?

R.Tiverton gives me a look of disdain.





Monkey : That is the sort of sculpture we should have at Oakwell. Just like that, except with me and your mum.

R.Tiverton : I don't think mum will want you putting your hand on her there when people are watching.

Ronni Jamal : What's that bumpy bit stickin art ov that bloke ?




Ronni Jamal : D A NI YEL, am over ere ! A luv yer !!





No sooner have we sat in the wrong seat but we are joined by a familiar face. ( BIG apologies again for wrong seat )

Monkey shields his children from the strange gypsy lady that is Lucky Heather, Doncaster Rover's mum who has the power of being able to see into the future.

Monkey : Hi Lucky Heather, have you brought us a lucky rabbit's foot or something ?

Lucky Heather : Hello again Monkey, please refer to me by my full title of 'Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster'.

R.Tiverton : That's a bit of a mouthful.

Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster : I knew you were going to say that.





We settle down to watch a first half during which the Barnsley defence holds firm as it needs to. Not much goes on in midfield and our attacks are few and far between. Doncaster are a bit scary at times but make nothing of it. Ronni Jamal has disappeared.

Half time.

Monkey disappears and starts rummaging in my bag saying he wants to know what we think of his new image.

A minute later he reappears and is met by hysterical laughter.




Monkey : I bet Brooklyn, Romeo and the other one don't laugh at THEIR father.

Ronni Jamal : You look like a monkey !

R.Tiverton : Get back to the zoo ! Hahahaha

Monkey : Wretched children. It really is time your mother and I had another baby. A sensible one that respects its parents.




The second half kicks off and Barnsley are getting into the game more.

Monkey : Where were you all through the first half Ronni ?

Ronni Jamal : I went to find Tobytyke'sPuppy to get our season ticket and Man.U. ticket back off im. You know what he's like !
After a first half like that he might av burnt em or cut em up inter bits an sent em to Patrick Cryne in disgust.




We get a text telling us that JCR has stormed out in a sulk.

Monkey : That is so SO CHILDISH that. Going off just because you are upset about not being everyone's favourite.




Then Humey manages to take a corner without the referee coming over to measure it with his pocket ruler. Hamill scoops the ball round and slams it into the back of the net. The stuffing is knocked out of Rovers and Barnsley continue to press forward.

Monkey : Where is R.Tiverton ? He would make a good referee. I can just imagine him out there with his protractor and Barnsley Football Club pencil sharpener.

The Barnsley fans come to life a bit more.




Monkey see - Monkey do.




The final whistle goes but Monkey's joy is short lived as he realises BOTH arms are unoccupied.

Monkey : My babies, my lovely dear sweet little babies, the pikeys have stolen them !





Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster : NO THEY HAVE NOT ! I knew you were going to come out with a silly remark like that. You shouldn't let them run around bothering people. Your son was down at the front quizzing the stewards about the tensile strength of the steel in the stadium roof and the other one was halfway round the pitch going to shout at Mark Robins for not using Body-daggly-vitz or someone as substitute.

Monkey : Ah, sorry, thank you Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster.

Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster : So YOU haven't lost anything, unlike my boys.

R.Tiverton : Well erm actually..........

 

Monkey see - Monkey do

Haha, loved that one!



Great post as always, please keep them coming!

 

Lucky Heather sponsored by Peggy's Caravans of Doncaster : NO THEY HAVE NOT ! I knew you were going to come out with a silly remark like that. You shouldn't let them run around bothering people. Your son was down at the front quizzing the stewards about the tensile strength of the steel in the stadium roof and the other one was halfway round the pitch going to shout at Mark Robins for not using Body-daggly-vitz or someone as substitute.

Brilliant

 

superb

 

Great stuff

but monkey what row were you on. It looks like you were sat behind me - I wish I'd known. I had cake!!!

 

Utterly bizzare but amusing

 

RE: Great stuff

Oh dear Susie. I don't remember seeing any ladies with cake. That's a big shame.

I am quite sure you wouldn't have laughed at my new image.

We were on row U which apparently comes before V not after which is why we ended up in the wrong seat to begin with. I don't know what planet she was on yesterday but she was more dooolally than normal.

 

The best one yet nt

 

RE: The best one yet nt

Well that will be 50p please Bangbabababing.

 

RE: The best one yet nt

what seat num cos i was on row U up there

 

RE: The best one yet nt

1021 It always amazes me that people sit next to us and never ask why I have a strange person taking pictures of me.

 

People may think its

For one of BigLiLs er *cough* health mags and just pretend not to see.... (lookout) Now there's a new adventure if the footys crap.. ff

 

RE: People may think its

 

You were quick there mate

Life in the old dog yet....

 

Absolutely, mate

 

Quite remarkable

Wibble wibble......