Matchday with Monkey : Forest Home

Since the visit to Dr.De Zeuww's football therapy centre Maureen has banned the children from playing Davey in / Davey out and their other favourite 'Dingles vs Deedars'.



So today they are engaged in a violent tussle re-enacting Scargill vs Thatcher. Sadly R.Tiverton is coming off worst.

R.Tiverton : Stop banging my head you scabby deedar !

I separate them and get them in the car. Off we go !
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It is now five minutes to two and Monkey has disappeared. He is supposed to be starting his charity photoshoot at 2 o'clock. I run round like crazy looking for him then R.Tiverton spots him.




Monkey : Oh yes thank you for reminding me. I clean forgot about that when I saw these. Why don't you have a go ?





We arrive huffing and puffing at our photoshoot location to find we have an early visitor.

R.Tiverton : Hi Uncle Julian, you made it after all.

Monkey : Ignore him children. He is here to steal my limelight. That is his game.

Some people come and have their pictures taken ( big THANK YOU to all ) but Monkey notices quite a lot of passers-by have no idea who he is.

Me : Cheer up, don't forget a lot of them have come to their first match since Wembley.





R.Tiverton : Look Colace has brought his baby. What a lovely baby. It doesn't swear and it doesn't shout Davey out !

Ronni Jamal : We got the Falklands you Argie baby !

R.Tiverton : Shut up and stop being Mrs.Thatcher now ! We're here for the football stupid.

The match kicks off and neither side really gets anywhere. The wind swirls the ball around.





Monkey : I've had a sudden idea ! Do you think we could get Madonna to come and adopt Odejayi ?




Ronni Jamal : Kozzy kicked dat man right dere in his ...........

Monkey : OOOOOOoooouuuu ! I did see Ronni, ouch, ouch, ouch ! Please don't kick daddy THERE again.



HALF TIME



R.Tiv : Which is the Chronicle man ? He wouldn't print my letter because he said R.Tiverton wasn't my real name.

Monkey : Was it one of your long pro-Davey rants ? That is more likely why it wasn't printed. You didn't send it on April 1st did you ?

R.Tiv : Yes, then he wanted my address and I realised don't actually know where we live. Silly man with a silly name he is.





Then Julian turns up again.

Julian : I'm glad to see you are looking after that cash. I have been entertained in the executive boxes. Of course they all wanted to talk to me.

Monkey : Just ignore him children. He is getting too grand for us.





Ronni Jamal : Dadadadad want pompoms, WANT POMPOMS !!





The second half kicks off and R.Tiverton has found a huge lolly in my bag.

R.Tiverton : Hooray ! GOOOOAL to Campbell-Soup. This is a truly lucky lolly. I would like to point out that my letter to the Chron blamed the players for picking up silly bookings and if that man had printed it and Jamal Campbell-Soup had read it then he might have had a bit more sense.





Monkey : That's rather a large lolly, don't you think you should share it ?

R.Tiverton : No ! She'll get all sticky like Campbell-Soup's boots when they won't let him pass the ball.





Then Barnsley get and miss a penalty. The man in front leapt up and got a lolly stuck to his head. While he is watching JCR's miss I yark it off and clean it up.





Then Forest refuse to be beaten and decide to score. We all go quiet.

Monkey : Come on R.Tiv, get licking that lucky lolly.

But it is a forlorn hope. We are starting to believe that our choice of matchday confectionary has no effect on results.

Barnsley push forward and backward time and time again but nothing happens to change the score.





The final whistle comes. My heart sinks a little further down.

Monkey : R.Tiverton, at no stage did Arthur Scargill poke Margaret Thatcher with an enormous lolly stick ! Will you stop it please !!





Monkey : Tivvy shush ! You are not old enough to remember Orgreave, come away now !





We finally arrive back at the car and hear the familiar clip clop of llama hooves.

Julian : Aaaaaaaaarrrrhhhh ! I think I've had too many prawn sandwiches !





Monkey : Children , let that be a lesson to you about the evils of corporate entertaining in a capitalist economy.

 

Excellent, best one yet! nt

 

LOL

Very funny. Just missing some pictures of Forest fans to see what they thought of it all.

 

Very funny - Your talents are wasted on here! You should look for a much bigger audience.

 

Barmy as ever, but brilliant nt

 

Well we are going to a BIG club on Tuesday night. We're sitting on Row I seat 94 in the lower tier if anyone wants to avoid us.

 

A HUGE thank you to Monkey & family

and everyone who contributed to the meet & greet for the funds raised to go to BASIC

 

Barking mad... Where are the pics of the BBS celebs nt

 

CRAZY........But Brilliant!!!

 

Watch for piss being thrown from above.

 

DOn't worry, we've spent all weekend filling up one of those super soaker guns ready to retaliate !

 

RE: A HUGE thank you to Monkey & family

Mrs.H. was truly overwhelmed to be in the presence of a celebrity of such great magnitude (and Reverend Tivvy & Ronnie Jamal)!

 

RE: A HUGE thank you to Monkey & family

Reverend Tiverton ! I like that, he is getting a bit bossy and preachy at the moment. Keeps hounding Blunts off Tykesmad for poor grammar and spelling.

Nice to meet you both too. Hope the photos came out OK.