Matchday with Monkey : Ipswich Home

CelebrityMonkey · Oct 3, 2009

( WARNING slightly rude joke today ) ( EXPLANATION ITFC-boyz is an Ipswich supporter who is very welcome on Tykesmad and likes shoeing Norwich fans )

We arrive at the Mount just as a little tractor has pulled in...

ITFC_boyz : Hi guys, I decided to come after all and let my systems analyse themselves today.

Pups : Right come on everyone, let's give him a shoeing !!

BarnsleyDaft has been waiting excitedly to have his picture taken and Monkey is so overwhelmed by his fans he nearly forgets we have a match to attend.

Even then we are unable to reach our seats without being accosted by another fan.

Toby Tyke : Where's Monkey ?

I hand him over and realise I am not going to get a much needed sit down till I have photographed the celebrities several times.

At last I can sit down. We left home at 8.50 am, survived a wind buffeting on the motorway, the deedars setting fire to Tescos on the Manor, a mad aunt who claimed no-one would buy her any glue because they think she might sniff it, narrowly escaped a saharan dust storm as we left Shafton and it is just about the last straw when Monkey starts to complain that my hamster has nibbled his scarf !

Me : Well it's probably been on the floor in the same place you left it at the end of last season. It's your own fault.

Monkey : But Julian knitted it for me with his own wool.

Me : Behave or I am not taking any of you to the Man U game. How about a pun competiton ? Who ever can come up with the worst pun gets to come to the Man U game.

Monkey : Oooo good I like buns !

R.Tiverton : Have we started yet or weren't you listening dad ?

Ronni Jamal : Why ant you got yer proper kit on ?

R.Tiverton : It is a secret.

Monkey : I hope we HASSLE them a lot and STEELE a victory.

R.Tiverton : Doesn't count ! They aren't playing.

Gooooooooal ! Barnsley take an early lead.

Monkey : To HUME the ball may fall let him score a goal !

Ronni Jamal : Do you think that number 30 will ever get a SHOT_TON target ?

Monkey : That's a good one Ronni !

Ronni Jamal : What is ?

R.Tiverton : She's too daft to understand dad.

Ronni Jamal : Oh SOD YER !

Ipswich line the ball up for a free kick and it bounces off Bialkowski onto one of their players and into the back of the net.

Monkey : That was A_DAM silly free kick to give away !

HALF TIME

A kind old lady has given us three Kit-Kats to share.

Ronni Jamal : Ant yer got a Vod-Kat, av nivver ad one o them. Can I av one instead ?

Monkey then offers me his Kit-Kat as he thinks it will make up for his grumble about the hamster. He is a bit surprised when I take it.

R.Tiverton was disappointed that Gunt didn't turn up to fight him so decides we should go and give Nudger a good pasting instead. Which he does with great success.

Nudger : Ouch, ouch stop please you are hurting me !

The second half kicks off.

R.Tiverton : Barnsley are MACKEN heavy weather of this match !

Monkey : Wherever HU_GOs the ball goes !

Me : I don't think I can take much MOORE of this. I wish I'd never suggested it.

Monkey : What do the Irish do in an emergency ?

Me : I don't know.

Monkey : DOYLE 999 !

Ronni Jamal : Their manager dunt look very KEEN dus ee ?

Barnsley win a penalty and miss it.

Monkey takes the opportunity to whisper to me as he hopes the children aren't listening....

Monkey : In case you are wondering, at no stage am I going to shout get your Dickinson.

The match is winding up to be a 1-1 draw which could seem like a fair ending.

Ronni Jamal : If you were in Iceland and you had a little boy called Fred with a pointy head and he couldn't speak much English and you wanted to take him out for a walk you could shout HALL_FRED_SON !

R.Tiverton : That is absolutely dreadful.

But then.....a last minute goal.....and it's in the right net !

I get little chance to celebrate as I have to catch the trio before they fly off all over the stand. What a PREECEless result that was.

Monkey : Who's won on the puns then ?

Me : I think we'll let the messageboards decide that.

On the way back to the car park we bump into ITFC_Boyz again.

R.Tiverton : Bye, nice meeting you. Have a safe journey home.

ITFC_Boyz : Thanks, I'm not feeling LeadBITTER about it.

Ronni Jamal : We giv you a WRIGHT shooin dint we !