Matchday with Monkey : Preston Home

Wednesday morning. I am woken by the pitter patter of tiny feet on the duvet.





Me : Morning. I'm glad you've woken me up, I've had a terrible nightmare !

Then I notice that Ronni Jamal is waving a single black shoelace under my nose.

Ronni Jamal : What av I to do wi it now ?

I sink back into the pillow. That was no bad dream. It was reality.

So let's wind the clock back and see what happened.......


Tuesday 6 pm



To dull the pain of defeat the monkeys have been watching King Kong continuously since we got home on Saturday.



They are so absorbed that two of them fail to realise I have come to take them to the Preston game.

Monkey : I know how that poor lass feels - being carried around by a great big hairy brute !

Ronni Jamal : Camera's pointin at her all time too BOO !!!

R.Tiverton : Dad !! SHHH !


There is a frosty atmosphere in the car all the way up the M1.

R.Tiverton ( attempting to break the ice ) : Where are we Parkin tonight ?

Me : Inform your father that I, the great hairy brute will be quite happy if he wants to walk to the ground unaided.



R.Tiverton : Come on dad make an effort !

Monkey : Groan, crikey I didn't realise it was this far !

Ronni Jamal : Hurry up dad or we'll miss Preston's first couple of goals !




Uncle Ugly pops over to see us.

Ugly : Hi all ! I've managed to escape at last. I've been taken to America again by accident and had to go the the Ashes twice ! But not a single photo to prove it. Huh !!

R.Tiverton : Uncle Ugly I have missed you so much !

Ugly : I've missed you too R.Tivvy, Simon Davey should be given more time, he's a bright young manager with lots of certificates.

Ronni Jamal : That bloke sounds jus like R.Tiv dad. Who is ee ?




After his exertions coming up the hill Monkey snuggles down to rest in my fleece.

Monkey : Wake me up when Barnsley look like scoring.

Ronni Jamal disappears down to the front again to admire her beloved Bogdanovic.




But it is Preston who score first.

R.Tiverton : Never mind, we've started well and had more shots than Saturday already.




R.Tiverton : Come on Barnsley, listen to the boss !


But then the second goal goes in.



R.Tiverton : What Ronni Jamal said on the hill. How did she know that ? She's just a daft little girl.


HALF TIME



R.Tiverton : I think someone should inform the club that this new paint hasn't dried properly.

The little boy in front has sticky red fingers too.

Me : Perhaps they have used special anti-monkey paint.

R.Tiverton : I went on the BFC website to see how much pencils are and I noticed they'd put the spelling of 'stationery' right but they are still selling 'souveniers'.




As there is little prospect of Barnsley scoring ever again R.Tiverton uses a Milky Way to revive his father.

I nearly choke on my half time cuppa as the groundsman is wished happy birthday and I realise he is the son of the man who made my childhood a MISERY by chasing me off the playing fields where I trespassed regularly. Honestly, one little girl and a football can't hurt a bit of grass can it ?

The match restarts and Barnsley carry on trying. Ronni Jamal reappears.




R.Tiverton : What's that ! You haven't stolen that out of Boggy's boot have you ?

Ronni Jamal : No ! I got it from im that's so useless ee dunt know ow to tie is own shoes up. I was tryin to tie is feet together an it sort of came out.

R.Tiverton : Take it back right now, that's stealing !




But then she is distracted as her beloved gets ready to join the action.

Ronni Jamal : I wants to change mi name to Ronni Danni. Can I dad ?




But the substitution is to no avail. Preston get their third of the evening so she conducts half the Ponty end in a chant of 'WE WANT DAVEY OUT ! WE WANT DAVEY OUT'

But even that soon fizzles out.



The final whistle goes and R.Tiverton bursts into tears. I lend him my hankie but fear I too may need it shortly.

Ronni Jamal : Come on R.Tiv dunt cry, if ee's got to go then ee's go to go and things might get better. Ee wants sacking.

Me : Ronni Jamal do you know what it's like when your dad comes home and says he's lost his job ?

Ronni Jamal : No, but your dad want tekin all our money an mekin fans cry was ee ?

 

Very good as usual

 

Trying to fight back the tears........ nt

 

RE: Well that was a lot more entertaining

That's a fair point Farnham, I'd actually have to look it up to find out the last time I saw us win.

 

me too brush - not even cm can put a positive spin on it

except Davey might be a bit annoyed he's lost a shoe lace and it might start dawning in him, in that new found empathy kind of way, that we're all a bit annoyed about losing matches..............we live in hope.......