Matchday with Monkey : Reading Home

CelebrityMonkey · Aug 29, 2009

Monkey is losing interest in Barnsley F.C. after two disappointing home games. He has made a feeble attempt to trick me into taking a substitute 'monkey'.

Me : Monkey that looks nothing like you. I have a banana sweet for half time.

The lure works and he appears by magic but then..........

Ronni Jamal : Am not going if ees still manager.

Me : There might be a 'Davey out' protest and some aggro.

Ronni Jamal : I'll get mi coat.

R.Tiverton : Well I am NOT going to any ridiculous demonstration, Simon Davey is a fine young manager.

As soon as we arrive in the car park Ronni brandishes a hastily made sign not realising there has been a bit of monkey business.

We set off to go to the club shop so R.Tiverton can buy a Barnsley Football Club pencil with the 50p his Uncle Ugly gave him for passing his A-levels.

Ronni Jamal : I don't like Reading or Writing. When are we playin Writing ?

R.Tiverton : Probably after we play Rithmetic F.C. you idiot !

Monkey : Careful R.Tivvy, you'll have someone's eye out with that !

Barnsley start well and Monkey decides he is glad he came after all when Gray heads home his debut goal.

But he has a lapse of concentration.

Monkey : Is it nearly half-time ? Can I have my banana treat ?

Barnsley have a lapse of concentration too.

Ronni Jamal : Oh dad, they've scored ! Oh no, here we go !

HALF TIME

I suggest a competition to occupy them while I have a cuppa.

Whoever does the best impersonation of a football manager wins the banana sweet.

Instantly they all go extremely quiet and take up the same pose.

Monkey gives in first and sways about deliberately knocking over both his children.

Me : Right that's it. I think we should observe Ramadan from now on so nothing to eat till sunset.

The second half kicks off.

Monkey : What do you reckon to Halfredsonn Ronni ?

Ronni Jamal : I dunt trust big blokes wi no hair, they're allus causin trouble !

Monkey : SIGH ! Susie'd brought me some cake for half-time in the East Stand and I've missed out on that through doing stupid competitions.

Then Reading get a penalty and we can't bare to watch.

Then Reading score again and I forget to take a photo.

Monkey retreats inside my bag. Unfortunately I am too big to join him.

Me : I can hear you munching the banana sweet !

Monkey : It is dark in here already. Sunset !

I am past caring. He could eat my season ticket and I don't think I'd mind right now.

Nothing much happens for quite a while until the final whistle goes.

R.Tiverton : NO you cannot borrow the rubber on my new pencil !

Ronni Jamal : Tivtun do you realise that since I was born in Feburry av only seen em win twice an one of them was when ad just been born so ah dint really see it.

So she runs off without her banner to join the gathering crowd.

Ronni Jamal : Davey out ! WE WANT DAVEY OUT !

R.Tiverton : No-one is going to listen to you. You are just a silly little girl.

We get home and the ANNOUNCEMENT comes.

Ronni Jamal : Tivtun........cheer up Tivs......... remember you've got a pencil.

Thank you for Wembley Simon Davey for that is when Monkey became a celebrity.