Matchday with Monkey : Swansea Home

Ronni Jamal : Bloody ROBINS !!! Bloody bloody ROBINS !!!

R.Tiverton : Oh don't start, we haven't even got in the car yet !



Ronni Jamal : I know an look what them birds av done. I saw em flyin over




At the Mount Ronni starts canvassing to get R.Tiverton elected to the vacant position of moderator on Tykesmad.

Ronni Jamal : Av borrowed yer ruler to do mi writin.

R.Tiverton : You could have borrowed my dictionary too !





R.Tiverton : I have analysed all the data going back for 50 years to see what happens when a team gets a new manager.

Monkey : And what did you find ?

R.Tiverton : Well 91 out of 92 teams go on to have a stunning victory in their first home match.

Monkey : Ah, now that sounds promising. But which is the sad team of losers that doesn't ha ?..........oh.....crikey !

R.Tiverton : Yes, you guessed.




The match kicks off and a new era of optimism and enthusiasm begins.

The Ponty End sing their hearts out and 10 minutes of excitement follows then.....





Ronni Jamal : Dad where's Simon Davey ? I like him !


After a while longer Humey comes off the pitch dripping blood....




....then thankfully he comes back.

R.Tiverton : You're good at sewing, you should have offered to do it you'd have been faster.

Monkey : Yes, and you could have embroidered 'Morgan is a....'

Me : Monkey !

We all settle down and watch the entertainment. Barnsley are beginning to play with a purpose.
Not an end purpose but a purpose and that is a start.

HALF TIME

There is a commotion under my seat......




Monkey : Well David Attenborough was on Jonathan Ross's show last night. He showed a film about a monkey who was using a rock to bash a nut open so he could have a little snack.

So that explains why my bag was so heavy.

R.Tiverton : Why don't you just use scissors like normal ?

Monkey : R.Tiverton, you know perfectly well that you aren't allowed to take scissors to a football match !

I am just about to point out that you are probably not permitted to bring huge pebbles in either as he lifts up the rock and slams it down on the biscuit........but misses and lands it on his foot.

Monkey : OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo !!!!!!




R.Tiverton is too busy complaining that someone has washed his shorts and spoilt the elastic to hear the announcement ...

Announcer : Happy Birthday Tiverton love mum, dad and sister Ronni.




Ronni Jamal : That's me on the tannoy, am famous now ! Bodgadnanovitch, a luv you ah dooo, get well sooooon !





The paramedics reappear and with the help of a plaster and the rest of my polos ( that I'd been hoping would last till Christmas ) Monkey calms down.


The second half kicks off.



Ronni Jamal : I've got a joke Tivtun....what's brown and white and GRAY all over ?

R.Tiverton : I don't know and I don't care, I am watching this thrilling football.

Ronni Jamal : Andy and Julian Broddle....no I got it wrong....Julian and Andy.. ...Yes that's it...What's brown and white and.....

Monkey : Ronni ! Watch the football please and leave the jokes to me !!




Ronni Jamal : Are you still worrying about yer shorts. That Swansea man nearly pulled big Darren's down, ee might come an get you next !




R.Tiverton : See this is what those in the East Stand don't get to enjoy....

Ronni Jamal : What, avin a good laugh at Devaney's weak bladder.





R.Tiverton : We have made it to the 60th minute without conceding a goal. That is an improvement.

Ronni Jamal : Vot for R.Tiv, ee can do big numbers !



In fact both teams manage to get to the end without scoring or conceding a goal.




Ronni Jamal : Oh I'm sorry Tivtun, I jus sort of slipped a bit an I was holdin your shorts.

R.Tiverton : Hey ! No-one's going to vote for me now they've seen my bottom. You can't put that on the internet unless all the other candidates put a photo of their bottoms on too. You have to be fair in elections, those are the rules.




I refuse to carry Monkey both AND his 'food opening stone' back to the car.

Monkey : Children, on David Attenborough's film when the monkey hit his foot all the little baby monkeys carried him through the jungle and they all got sweets for tea.

So we start on the long long trek back to the car.




R.Tiverton : Ronni, leave him now.

Ronni Jamal : But ees mi dad !

R.Tiverton : Then you should know what's coming next....it'll be 'all the baby monkeys gave their sweets to their dad because his foot hurt'

 

haha, class!

 

wonder if he enjoyed the expierience!

 

RE: I absolutely loved the half time announcement

I thought he had said it in a garbled way before that exciting half time entertainment started but no, he did it properly.

Yes I did enjoy my day apart from not being able to access my half-time snack.