Matchday with Monkey : Wednesday Away ( really )

The start of the season is only hours away and the levels of excitement have reached fever pitch as one little family makes its preparations.....



Ronni Jamal : I've fetched 53 rocks back from Flamborough. One for every home game to chuck at Simon Davey !

R.Tiverton : Unbelievable. You can't start the season shouting 'Davey out' that's ridiculous ! And anyway today is AWAY at Hillsboro but I suppose that as you were born there that sort of makes it a home game for you. Not that you would remember our fantastic win.

Ronni Jamal : I heard dat goal an I just had to pop out to see rest of t'match !

On the bus...



Monkey : That shirt ! Do I have to be seen with you in that ? Why didn't you get your 1912 crinoline dress out of the wardrobe, you know, the one with TUFNELL embroidered on the back.

Me : Well yours is looking dated now - Wembley 2008. What happened to last season's ?

Monkey : No-one's washed it for me yet .




Monkey : Wow gosh ! It gets more and more massive every time we come, what a huge club !




We have just settled down when a young man comes and claims his seat on row Z.

I feel Monkey quiver with joy when the young man says he has realised who we are. I quiver with relief at not having to explain why I have been accompanied by three small lunatics.




Hooray, the season has started, here we gooooooooooo!




But the joy is short-lived as Barnsley wobble, teeter and then fall over the brink. TWICE.



Monkey : Do you think you could ask a steward to move those posts. I can't see when Wednesday score.




Ronni Jamal : Davey OUT ! Booooo. Am right hungry whatav we got to eat ?

HALF TIME

Monkey : Your mum's put some lollies in the bag for us.



R.Tiverton : Chuffin Chuppa Chups ! I don't believe it !

Ronni Jamal : Am not eatin em NO WAY, let's chuck em at Simon Davey.

Monkey : I sometimes wonder about where your mother's true loyalties lie.

Faced with a choice between extreme hunger and eating a chuppa chupp lolly we opt for the obvious choice. Three little stomachs rumble loudly for the rest of the afternoon.



Ronni Jamal observes all the soldiers with great interest and as Simon Davey reappears......

Ronni Jamal : Can I av a gun dad ? Please ?

Monkey : No.

Ronni Jamal : Jus a little one ?


The second half kicks off and Barnsley are trying but we still don't hold out much hope.
But then ...........



Monkey : What a GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLL ! I can't believe it's not Butterfield !

R.Tiverton : But it WAS Utterley Butterfield Dad

Ronni Jamal : Poly-unsaturated hydrogenated spread !

R.Tiverton : Oh shut up !



The Barnsley crowd senses something special and begin to sing and shout.



Ronni Jamal : Oh when the Reds....Oh when the Reds....Oh when the Reds go marching in...

I want to be in that cupboard,....Oh when the Reds go marching in !!

R.Tiverton : It's not a cupboard !

Ronni Jamal : Well what is it then ? You don't know either durrrrr !


The reds make surge after surge and then we get GOAL NO.2

After all the leaping about and cheering has died down I realise I am a monkey short but the nice young man next to me points her out.



Ronni Jamal : Help Help, Dad, fetch mi down, am not stayin up ere forever !







The final whistle goes. 2-2 and Monkey collapses with exhaustion and perilously low blood sugar levels.



At the tram stop...



Ronni Jamal : Can I chuck this at that big man in a Wensy shirt with no hair an a really sad face ? Please ?

 

"What a GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLL ! I can't believe it's not Butterfield ! "

Brilliant !

 

Brilliant report.

 

You unbelievably daft bat. Thanks a lot for that.

I wasn't there today but you've made it all seem so real.

 

As mental as usual....

 

and i thought it was a secret!

you need to watch that ronni jamal, she's turning into a right little hooligan - nicking pebbles off the beach whatever next

 

Celeb Monkey

I wish I'd said something now, but I was sat the row in front of you, one or two seats your right (the fat guy)! I didn't know it was you until I noticed you taking a pic of monkey in the 12th pic posted here.

 

RE: Celeb Monkey

That's a pity Tony. Could you smell burning flesh at any time ?

My agent noticed last night that she has a rectangular burn on her leg where she was holding the camera to hide it from the stewards. Eeee it was hot up there but I didn't realise it was that hot.

 

RE: Celeb Monkey

It weren't half hot. Wouldn't have missed it though (although I did miss our first goal coz of that post).

I'll say hello if I ever see you again

 

Brilliant!!