Matchday with Monkey : West Brom Home

Ronni Jamal : No mum ! I want mi fur doing like bag-dov-no-vitchies, wi a band round mi ed !

Maureen : Ronni Jamal, you are a little girl and you will have a ribbon !

Ronni Jamal : A waint

Maureen : You will have a ribbon and stop talking like that or you are NOT GOING TO BARNSLEY ever again !!




We arrive at our seat only to find it occupied.

Monkey : See, that's what happens to fair-weather fans, they have their seats stolen.

He is never going to forgive me for missing the Burnley match.

Bear ( in a brummie accent ) : Hello Monkey, I'm a West Brom's celebrity fan.

Monkey : What did he say R.Tiv ?

R.Tiverton : He said he's a celebrity.

Monkey : Ah yes but who ? I can't tell.

R.Tiverton : It's the bloke off the settee, Adrian something off that thing mum watches. She loves him.

Adrian Chiles : Would your good lady like my autograph ?

Monkey : Oh I don't think so.




R.Tiverton : Have you brought us any presents ? Auntie Delia always brings us cookies and even Sean Bean brings stupid things that we don't want.

The match kicks off and Barnsley start with enthusiasm and skill ( we have started this way many times before though... )

But success comes.......Hammill scores !!!!






Ronni Jamal : Uncle Adrian, did you see that ? Why ant that Frank Skinny bloke come wi yer ?





Ronni Jamal : Ooooo look, bodgan-oooo-vish is rubbin is legs dad. Ant ee got nice legs ?

R.Tiverton : All this wonderful football and all she's come to look at is players' legs. Girls !!

Play continues and Barnsley keep up the good passing.....then...

Monkey : Woooooooooo.....PENALTY !!




Ronni Jamal : Uncle Adrian, didn't you want to see the penalty ?

We sit back and try to enjoy the unusual cushion of a two goal lead. The new goalie looks both wobbly and amazing at the same time.

Pontyend : Brazil.......It's just like watching Brazilllllllll


HALF TIME




Ronni Jamal : I am Daniel Bag-non-o-vist. Look at me !

R.Tiverton : Boggy hasn't got this sticking out of the back of his head.

Ronni Jamal : Well ee ant ad to use a wubber band that postman's dropped as ee !

And as she tries to run away from him the rubber band stretches.......and stretches...........




.....until R.Tiverton is forced to let go and with the force of the recoil Ronni Jamal is catapulted into the far end of the West Stand where the subs are chatting.




Bogdanovich : Ouch ! Something hit my leg !!

Adrian Chiles : Don't you think you ought to go and get your poor little daughter ?

Monkey : Oh, she'll be fine. She's a tough lass.

Me : Well if you are thinking that the mars bar in my bag now only needs splitting into 4 pieces instead of 5 you are wrong, I will save Ronni's piece for when she gets back.


The second half kicks off and although we are playing stylishly still it seems like only a matter of time before something daft happens.




R.Tiverton : Well that's 77.7 recurring percent of the second half gone and still 2-0. Let's summon up the spirit of Harry Tufnell 1912.

Monkey : Wooooooo Harry Tufnell, Harry Tufnell, 1912, 1912

And it must have worked as.............





R.Tiverton : Uncle Adrian, West Brom scored a cracker, did you see it ?

Monkey : Hahaha, wrong net though !





R.Tiverton : What is Bogdanovitch doing with his sock ? Can you see dad ?





Confident that even Barnsley can't lose a 3 goal lead in the last 2 minutes plus stoppage time the monkeys lose their concentration.

R.Tiverton : I am blowing a get well soon kiss to Laura

He is pushed aside roughly as......

Adrian Chiles : Boing boing we scored, hey hey a goal ! Boing boing.
..
.
.

The final whistle goes and the whole crowd breaths a sigh of relief and guess who reappears.




Ronni Jamal : That wer brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Bogdangle-viss picked mi up and said you poor little thing, where is your mummy and daddy and I said I was a norphan an ee said eed adopt me an ee put me in is sock to keep warm. Oh and ee as got nice legs....

R.Tiverton : Liar !!




As a gesture of friendship we take our visitor to the bus station so he can get home.

Ronni Jamal : Uncle Adrian, will you come again please ? I like it when you come, it's reyt good.

 

Brilliant as ever.

Say thank you to R.Tiverton and tell him I will pass his kiss onto Laura.

 

RE: Brilliant as ever.

Thank you Crystal. It's an odd thing for him to do, he normally runs a mile if you mention girls.

 

Quality You must get some strange looks carting that lot round and taking photos However, well worth it

 

you ought to e-mail that to the one show....

 

haha yeah send it the one show

they will probs show that quality idea denno

 

Got to ask...............are you a virgin ???

West Brom fans have asked................but still no answer

 

RE: Got to ask...............are you a virgin ???

Nudger, they got a little confused that lot but they are our friends now I think.

 

Yes, I could see that they wern't getting into the spirit, BUT...........are you a virgin ???

....................well......... (dunno)

 

Thank you R. Tiverton.

<img src ="http://img34.imageshack.us/img34/3906/laurablowingakiss.jpg">

Please excuse me for not looking my best, I'm feeling a little better but obviously not fully fit yet.

 

are you asking monkey or the person who takes monkey to matches and writes the story?

If you mean monkey then obviously he isn't as he's got two kids (unless uncle ugly has been round twice). If you mean the person who takes monkey to games and creates these posts for our enjoyment then what has it got to do with you? And what difference does it make if they are or not?

 

RE: are you asking monkey or the person who takes monkey to matches and writes the story?

Nudger gets a bit confused. He has also forgotten I possess a photo of him for blackmailing purposes. Anyone want to see it ?

 

Whats up narrr !!!................can't a bloke offer ???

And if succesful then CM (the person not the monkey) could have proper little uns to photograph

Wouldn't that be great...........a bunch of kids from the union of CM and Nudger ???

Me providing the kids with intelligence, good looks, style and all that..........and CM providing the kids with the ability to take photographs

 

RE: Whats up narrr !!!................can't a bloke offer ???

I can guarantee you Nudger that she is more intelligent, better looking and more stylish than you.

 

We want nudger pics

Oh and I wasn't for one minute suggesting that Monkey isn't real. We all know he's very real and in fact my second favourite barnsley supporter behind biglil

 

Steady

Celebrity Monkey is the most popular BBS poster. Even with Crystal & Laura!!

 

Has anyone sent a link to Adrian Chiles yet?

 

RE: Has anyone sent a link to Adrian Chiles yet?

Of course I have Harry Hough though why you think he'd want to see a picture of Nudger I don't know.

 

She ant said NO.............to being a virgin............or wanting my children

So I'll mark that down as a double............ YES !!!

Not be long narrr before there will be dozens of little Nudgettes roaming abart int West Stand