Matchday with Monkey : Wolves home We leave home feeling tense, nervous and in a state of slight terror. Monkey has an unusual choice of half-time snack. Monkey : Why do you put yourself through this supporting Barnsley business year after year ? This is my second 'end of season calamity' and my nerves are shredded. Me : Some questions cannot be answered Monkey. Do you reckon we'll have any defenders today or is Davey crying wolf as usual ? R.Tiverton : Remember in that story the Wolves do actually turn up in the end and eat the little boy who cries wolf. We are walking up the hill when a taxi stops. The window opens. "How's your dad ?" the driver asks. For a moment I think he has the wrong person. "I used to sit near you, I remember he was badly" I tell him dad passed away a few years ago and my memory of the 'taxi man ' returns. He says he is sorry to hear that and drives off leaving me welling up. Me : That may help answer your question Monkey. Someone from years and years ago cares to stop and ask about a fan whose name he didn't even know. Monkey : Yes, I think I understand. You aren't going to weep ALL afternoon are you ? I don't want another Wembley. It took me days to dry out after Wembley. Monkey : You know what we've missed this season R.Tivvy ? R.Tiverton : Yes, a regular goal-scorer. One worth about 1.3 million pounds say. Monkey receives his Celebrity Fan of 2008-2009 trophy and the crowd applaud ( as Bobby gets his cup at the same time )........ ................. but Monkey's joy is short-lived when he sees the size of the Young Celebrity Fan trophy R.Tiverton receives. The monkeys have a pre-match huddle. Monkey is delighted as this is the first time R.Tivvy has hugged his little sister. R.Tiverton ( whispering in Ronni's ear ) : In a minute some big bad Wolves are coming to get you and they'll eat you up because you are too small to run away ! We spend the next 20 minutes calming her down as Barnsley do their usual good football to start a match routine without actually having anything to show for it. HALF TIME Monkey : What's all that police tape for ? It says DO NOT CROSS, I hope Campbell-Soup doesn't see it ! Ronni Jamal : It's to stop Simon Davey getting into the crowd and attacking them Dadad. The second half gets underway and the crowd gets going. Pontyend : RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY RED ARMY We join in as best we can along with one or two other west standers. Hoooooooooorayyyyyyyyyyy ! Barnsley score and Monkey celebrates with a leap that outdoes every celebration leap of the season I nearly have to drop the camera to catch the pair of them. The scoreboard begins to attract our attention . R.Tiverton : 15 minutes and 26, 15 minutes and 25, 15 minu..... Until.... .....the inevitable happens and Wolves score. R.Tiverton : I wish we could play the last 5 minutes first and get the disappointment over with. Monkey : I am going to try to do that thing where the dude has a shower and when he comes out, the past season has just been a dream. Me : Ha ha. Why not put your underpants over your shorts, wear a cape, fly into outer space and spin the earth backwards to reverse time too ? Monkey : No, that would be silly. The final whistle comes. No conclusions today. The agony continues. The fingernails can grow a bit by Monday and then be nibbled back again. Monkey : Can we go on the pitch ? R.Tiverton : No, we will be banned forever. Monkey ( to me ) : You have been on the pitch and you are still here. Me : The day we got into the Prem everyone was on the pitch. Monkey : What about when you sneaked on to scatter some of your Dad's ash........ Me : Monkey Shhhhhhhh ! That is private !! I don't think I want that on the internet !! My Dad ( sitting up there on his cloud ) : Davey OUT ! I spot a small piece of turf lying by the seats. R.Tiverton : Do you think anyone will mind if we take it home and look after it ? Jamal Campbell-Soup might have trodden on it. And with that we say goodbye to Oakwell for a few months. Not knowing how things will be on our return. But never mind. We have a little bit of grass to nurture.
I think this is my favourite match report, the fans, the season, the whole football thing all sorted out by 3 ickle monkeys (and their agent!). Is Plymouth not on the cards then? I'd offer to take them for you but I'm not sure I can put up with them for the whole weekend!! oh and my dad (from the cloud next to your dad) Get that ming mong out!
i signed up to BBS for monkeys shinanigans! Keep it up! PS i looked for u from the Ponty today but little monkeys arent easily seen, and i dont know what 'Me' looks like...
Susie, I'm doing all the pestering I can to get us taken to Plymouth but it's not working. My agent's 97 year old great aunt has a step daughter who lives there that she met once 10 years ago. I keep pointing out that she should keep in touch better with relatives and now is a good time to visit. I think the clouds were full of dads looking down yesterday. Bass you need some binoculars or a visit to the West stand. 'Me' apparently is instantly recognisable from behind by taxi drivers who haven't seen her for 8 years.
We have a couple of things in common Me and my dad were on the pitch when we won promotion to the prem and his ashes were scattered on the pitch (behind the goal at the Ponty end) when he died 5 years ago.
Unfortunately my father was looking up from his oven down below pissed as a fart & evil tempered as usual... I think he & the horned ones have been on the winning team at Oakhell this season.
RE: We have a couple of things in common I bet you got permission Brush unlike someone I could mention.