My interview at Oakwell is this afternoon.

Really looking forward to it.
I'm assuming both Ron Rowing & Barry Turner will be present. Patsy Cryne is ill / in Barbados.

I've decided upon the following:

Arrival:
I'm going to turn up fashionably late. Interview is 1pm. I'll get there for 2:45pm & look round the club shop to show some interest.

Attire:
I've decided to be professional. Lime green safari suit, purple shirt, silver bow-tie. Polyvelts, of course. Dossier satchel. Beret.

Questions:
They'll ask the usual ballax about employment history, experience, career goals.
I plan to answer in Klingon, whilst bent over parting my bum cheeks. Although football is a business, it's also entertainment.

General:
Every time The Don speaks, I will talk over the top of him. I need to put him in his place.
I'm going to call Barry Turner "Bazzinsky", offer to shine his shoes & constantly refer to his work at the FA as "the sweet FA".
I've manufactured several dossiers with the names of previous Managers on the front. I will burn & bin them during the interview.

Conclusions:
My plans will be to sell a kidney from each player. This will raise almost £100k.
I'll propose signing players who are tall with no hair.
I think the clincher will be my plans to introduce trapdoors on the pitch, so we can sneak extra players on during the game.

I have poisoned Billy Davies, tied up Sean O'Driscoll, posted Kevin Blackwell to Sierra Leone & linked Micky Melons to the Yewtree investigation.
I believe it's in the bag.
Get on board & enjoy the ride.

#TFPforBFC

 

You are so funny!

 

BUGGER, mines at 3:15 pm, guess thats gonna be delayed then

will have to re-think my interview attire too, we will so clash.
My main strategy is the defence. I was gonna introduce a huge wind tunnell like fan behind each goal, but only use the one behind our goal we defend.A bit like blow football
It will like christmas day again when I was a bairn.Allus got a bumper compendium of games. I always triumphed over my Grandad with the blow football as he had asthma.

 

You realise you've just killed mcnulty with that don't you?

 

Hang on, I believe that you have plagiarised that idea. Or is that a hint as to who you will be bringing in as your assistant?

 

To be frank ...

... I wouldn't bother if I were you.
If you do turn up I have a sniper lined up in the car park.
It's only football, mate, it's not worth losing your life over.

My defensive solution is to sign people from that stupid fecking Twighlight film.
Which striker will want to play against a Werewolf or a gay looking Vampire?

I was also considering having goalposts that are operated by remote control.
Then if a shot looks like it's going in I can literally "move the goalposts".

I've got it sorted.

#TFPforBFC

 

I've not stolen anything, you liar.
My patented dog turnstiles might be popular too.
My solicitor will be in touch.

I also plan to project holographic players on the pitch to confuse the opposition.
Nothing in the rules against it.

 

Ouucch!!! Had to laugh at that!

 

The ones where players disappear for long periods of the match?

 

Might have to sell Jim, then.
KFC might be after a headless chicken.

Or if I do kill him - maybe his ghost would make an excellent addition to the squad.
You wouldn't have to pay him and he could arrive late into the box, or "ghost in", so to speak.
This has legs.

 

They only go missing for set pieces.
I plan to address this by not giving away any fouls or corners.
Simple.

It's a word that's used too often - but it's possible that I'm some kind of genius.

 

Re: To be frank ...

Don will love that

 

Also, can I suggest, that if this is indeed your plan, that you may wish to "stagger" tyhe operations, as we don't want the entire squad unavailable for weeks at the same time

 

And by the way:

I plan to offer Ads the Chief Scout role, as he's got his own Moped.
My assistant, of course, will be the lovely Debbie McGhee.
Physio will be that Rylan tw4t - this will ensure no players will want to ever be in the treatment room.
Would you like to be Club Dietician? You don't have to do any work - just mention carbs & get some Jaffa Cakes for half time.

 

No oranges?

 

Re: And by the way:

There is the major flaw in your plan. You need to be on the phone to Thereev begging him to get on board with you. The management dream team is only a phone call away.

 

Perfect.

I could sacrifice The Reev on the pitch as an offering to Zeus.
This would bring us good luck and excellent entertainment.
Two birds, one stone.

 

Im sold and its in the bag mate and i think its only fair that

you are added to the Who do you want for BFC manager poll on the BBS.

You are obviously a contender.

However, don't be surprised if the Don hires you as club jester to keep Hassel entertained while he eeks out his golden handshake/contract* and plans his testimonial.

* - i think hes worth it but the current management obviously think hes too old to be a footballer so they continue to play someone who they have come out and said "is not up to speed". Idiots.