Names for wanking & their descriptions:

1) THE SPIDERMAN.
W4nking while having your wifes tights over your head.

2) THE STRANGER.
Laying on your arm until it goes numb, then knocking one out.

3) THE W4NK MARVIN.
A stylish flick performed into the mouth of a very hungry young lady.

4) THE DOOSRA.
Generally delivered out of the back of the hand.

5) THE TEACUP.
A polite hand shandy, which is administered with the little finger sticking out.

6) THE CLARK KENT.
A frantic chug in a phone box, hopefully before anyone notices.

7) THE MASHED POTATO.
A vigorous spank-a-thon given by an inexperienced young lady. Named so because it seems she's trying to break the fecker off by mashing the b4stard to death.

8) THE SHUFTY AU GRATIN.
A stealth performance conducted while the Missus is in the next room and all you have for "inspiration" is the Grattons catalogue.

9) THE SLALOM.
A double spoff-fest given by a single lady to two men at the same time. She sits in between & mimics the hand actions required on the slopes.

10) THE BEADLE.
Getting a petite lady to knock the top off it. The point being that her little hand makes your hampton look massive.

11) THE FANTASTIC FIVE.
The frantic pull which has to be completed before the end of the five minute freeview on Playboy TV.

Seeing as I'm allegedly a w4nker - I thought I'd be up front about it.

Any more?

 

The Isle of Wight

You think you just want one but you end up having three

 

Funny!

Except I can manage about half-a-dozen in the five-minute freebie - I don't think you're getting enough friction...

ff

 

The Dry One

after a dull day at home , you're about 14 hand shandies down and you reach the dry one, ie you have run out of jus

 

So ...

... what would the opposite be?

Where you've had two broken wrists & after 8 weeks you've had the casts removed.
Your ballax are hanging down like a bag of onions & the first shot will probably knock the gable end of the house down.

Not sure what to call it.

 

The Volcano?

what about the danger w.ank?

where you, for example, live in a house full of people and at any moment your housemates can come into the front room where you are happily hammering away over the grattans catalogue?

 

The Penguin?

Whilst sharing a room with another bloke - you tell him you're w4nking whilst thinking about his Mum.
You have to jump up & run away (without breaking your stroke) with your boxers round your ankles.

 

The Windy ?

Its big and hard for a few seconds !! :-| :-| :-|

 

---

 

Dazza B's Volley

 

and to think I had a very un-Obscene joke about Ipswich removed...yet this Abject FILTH remains....

ok mine is considered insensitive by some ...but THIS...well I shake my head.Whatsmore its right by the post Re Chronicle P4 and young Laura.... Sorry site admin but I am astonished.

 

shake my head

At least you came up with another type - you didn't complete the description though.

 

ok I gotta laugh at that reply